Arroyo Camp Thanks SC for Allowing Her to Remove Neck Brace Forever

MANILA, Philippines — The camp of Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is grateful to the Supreme Court after it decided with finality that the former president may no longer wear her neck brace, especially in public. Arroyo’s camp thanked the high court for upholding its decision, saying the ruling should “put an end to this neck brace nonsense.” “We…

SC Issues TRO Extending Facebook’s Controversial Privacy Policy Deadline

MANILA, Philippines — The Supreme Court (SC) en banc on Monday afternoon temporarily halted the implementation of Facebook’s controversial privacy policy extending the deadline in which netizens can post a disclaimer, opting out and not giving the tech giant permission to make their posts public. The high court issued the temporary restraining order (TRO) after a group of netizens…

Abad: I Have Stage 5 Amnesia

MANILA, Philippines — After Senator Miriam Defensor Santiag0 announced today that she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, Department of Budget & Management (DBM) secretary Florencio Abad came out today in a press conference held at Malacañang bearing bad news. “Allow me to introduce myself to you as the only cabinet member who has been diagnosed…

CBCP to Celebrate Supreme Court’s RHLaw Ruling with “Fuckapalooza”

MANILA, Philippines — The Catholic Bigots and Chauvinists of the Philippines (CBCP) headed by Fr. Calvin Castro of CBCP’s Konsumisyon of Family and Life announced today that they are celebrating the historical ruling of the Supreme Court, declaring the RH Law constitutional via a grand event called “Fuckapalooza”. The Supreme Court (SC) unanimously declared the Reproductive…

Hasbro to Start Selling “Monopoly: Meralco Edition” Board Games

MANILA, Philippines — Multinational toy and board game company Hasbro Inc. announced today that they are set to release a limited edition version of Monopoly, specifically catered and designed for the Philippines. Monopoly: Meralco Edition is a spin-off to their hit board game which is named after the economic concept of monopoly—the domination of a market by…

Congress Morale At All-Time Low After SC Declared PDAF Unconstitutional

MANILA, Philippines — In a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court voted 14-0 declaring the Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) or more popularly known as ‘Pork Barrel”, unconstitutional. Associate Justice Presbitero Velasco inhibited from the voting as his son is a member of the House of Representatives. With the ruling, morale at the 16th Congress of the…