Arroyo Camp Thanks SC for Allowing Her to Remove Neck Brace Forever

MANILA, Philippines — The camp of Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is grateful to the Supreme Court after it decided with finality that the former president may no longer wear her neck brace, especially in public. Arroyo’s camp thanked the high court for upholding its decision, saying the ruling should “put an end to this neck brace nonsense.” “We…

Roxas to Disguise Himself as a Freeloading Binay Supporter to be Able to Serve Suspension Order

MAKATI, Philippines — Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) secretary Mar Roxas revealed today that he would disguise himself as a freeloading Binay supporter and infiltrate the vigil being held on the grounds of the City Hall, in order to successfully implement the Ombudsman’s suspension order against Makati Mayor Junjun Binay. “Makikisalamuha po tayo sa mga taga-suporta ni…

Hospital VIP Rooms Being Prepared in Anticipation for Senators Getting Sick

MANILA, Philippines — After the Office of the Ombudsman found probable cause to file graft and plunder charges against three senators allegedly involved in the pork barrel scam, construction work has started at top hospitals around Metro Manila for their respective VIP rooms in anticipation for embattled politicians getting sick. Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada, and…

Napoles Underwent Plastic Surgery to Look Exactly Like Leila De Lima

MANILA, Philippines  — The reason that the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) alongside the Department of Justice (DOJ) are having difficulties tracking down Janet Lim Napoles can be known: The alleged mastermind in the P10 billion “pork barrel scam” already had extensive plastic surgery done to look exactly like DOJ Secretary Leila de Lima. According…