Andanar Offered $1,000,000 to Cover His Mouth

MANILA, Philippines — Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar revealed  that as much as $1,000,000 was offered to him as an incentive for him to cover his mouth and stop spreading fake news. This after he floated the idea that as much as $1,000 was offered to members of the media as payment for covering the press conference where a…

Aguirre: #MissUniverse Loss an Indirect Attempt to Destroy Duterte

MANILA – An indirect attempt to destroy President Rodrigo Duterte. This was how Justice Secretary Vitaliano Aguirre II described the loss of Miss Universe Philippines Maxine Medina after she failed to make it to the final top 3. Speaking to reporters at his office Monday, Aguirre described the incident as “only an isolated incident” that was…

Miss Universe PH’s Blood-Soaked Gown in Top 5 of National Costume Competition

MANILA, Philippines — Maxine Medina, the Philippines’ representative to the 65th Annual Miss Universe pageant is among the favorites to win the Best National Costume award after showcasing her crimson red blood-soaked costume during the National Costume revelation show yesterday. Medina, 26, along with 85 other contestants unveiled their majestic national costumes with Medina’s ensemble shocking the audience. Miss Philippines’ costume,…

PNP Mascot Resigns to Save Dela Rosa from Further Embarrassment

MANILA, Philippines — The Philippine National Police (PNP) mascot “PO1 Bato” announced today his resignation from the force, saying that doing so might save PNP Chief Ronald “Bato” Dela Rosa from further embarrassment after damning details emerged that PNP officers were involved in the kidnapping and murder of  Korean businessman Jee Ick-joo. “Napagisip-isipan ko ng matagal…

Maxine Medina Taps Martin Andanar as Interpreter for Miss Universe

MANILA, Philippines — Following the suggestions of former beauty queens, Miss Universe Philippines Maxine Medina has decided to acquire the services of Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar to be her interpreter during the coronation night on January 30, 2017 at the SM Mall of Asia Arena. “Napagisipan kong sundin ang payo ni Ms. Gloria Diaz, as doing so…

Malacañang Website to Provide Pornographic Content Nationwide

MANILA, Philippines — Malacañang assured the nation’s netizens today that they have nothing to worry about after news of porn sites being blocked by the National Telecommunications Commission (NTC) broke out. “There is nothing to worry about as the President expressed his willingness to provide lewd content for the entire country,” assured Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar during…

Sen. Tito Sotto Files Resolution For Separate Enteng Kabisote Film Festival™

MANILA, Philippines — After his brother Vic Sotto’s movie was not accepted to the recently held Metro Manila Film Festival, Senate Majority Leader Vicente “Tito” Sotto III now wants a film festival exclusive for his brother’s movies only. In Senate Resolution No. 250,which was filed on Thursday, Sotto proposed that the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) should…