Andanar Offered $1,000,000 to Cover His Mouth

MANILA, Philippines — Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar revealed  that as much as $1,000,000 was offered to him as an incentive for him to cover his mouth and stop spreading fake news. This after he floated the idea that as much as $1,000 was offered to members of the media as payment for covering the press conference where a…

Miss Universe PH’s Blood-Soaked Gown in Top 5 of National Costume Competition

MANILA, Philippines — Maxine Medina, the Philippines’ representative to the 65th Annual Miss Universe pageant is among the favorites to win the Best National Costume award after showcasing her crimson red blood-soaked costume during the National Costume revelation show yesterday. Medina, 26, along with 85 other contestants unveiled their majestic national costumes with Medina’s ensemble shocking the audience. Miss Philippines’ costume,…

PNP Mascot Resigns to Save Dela Rosa from Further Embarrassment

MANILA, Philippines — The Philippine National Police (PNP) mascot “PO1 Bato” announced today his resignation from the force, saying that doing so might save PNP Chief Ronald “Bato” Dela Rosa from further embarrassment after damning details emerged that PNP officers were involved in the kidnapping and murder of  Korean businessman Jee Ick-joo. “Napagisip-isipan ko ng matagal…

Maxine Medina Taps Martin Andanar as Interpreter for Miss Universe

MANILA, Philippines — Following the suggestions of former beauty queens, Miss Universe Philippines Maxine Medina has decided to acquire the services of Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar to be her interpreter during the coronation night on January 30, 2017 at the SM Mall of Asia Arena. “Napagisipan kong sundin ang payo ni Ms. Gloria Diaz, as doing so…

Sen. Tito Sotto Files Resolution For Separate Enteng Kabisote Film Festival™

MANILA, Philippines — After his brother Vic Sotto’s movie was not accepted to the recently held Metro Manila Film Festival, Senate Majority Leader Vicente “Tito” Sotto III now wants a film festival exclusive for his brother’s movies only. In Senate Resolution No. 250,which was filed on Thursday, Sotto proposed that the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) should…

Andanar to Start Holding Up Sign Stating Whether Duterte is Joking or Not

MANILA, Philippines — Malacañang announced today a drastic measure authorizing Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO) Secretary Martin Andanar to clarify in real time whether President Duterte is serious or making a joke whenever the latter delivers a speech in public. “We understand that the Filipino people can sometimes get confused whether or not they will take our…

Pilot: It Was Me Who Talked to Duterte

MANILA, Philippines — The pilot of the Tokyo-Manila flight that President Duterte and his entourage took revealed today that it was him all along who spoke to the president concerning his colorful vocabulary. “Yes, it was me,” Pilot-In Command Capt. Jean-Luc Piccard said. “I thought that it was a long shot and I never imagined it to…