Miss Universe PH’s Blood-Soaked Gown in Top 5 of National Costume Competition

MANILA, Philippines — Maxine Medina, the Philippines’ representative to the 65th Annual Miss Universe pageant is among the favorites to win the Best National Costume award after showcasing her crimson red blood-soaked costume during the National Costume revelation show yesterday. Medina, 26, along with 85 other contestants unveiled their majestic national costumes with Medina’s ensemble shocking the audience. Miss Philippines’ costume,…

Maxine Medina Taps Martin Andanar as Interpreter for Miss Universe

MANILA, Philippines — Following the suggestions of former beauty queens, Miss Universe Philippines Maxine Medina has decided to acquire the services of Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar to be her interpreter during the coronation night on January 30, 2017 at the SM Mall of Asia Arena. “Napagisipan kong sundin ang payo ni Ms. Gloria Diaz, as doing so…

Pilot: It Was Me Who Talked to Duterte

MANILA, Philippines — The pilot of the Tokyo-Manila flight that President Duterte and his entourage took revealed today that it was him all along who spoke to the president concerning his colorful vocabulary. “Yes, it was me,” Pilot-In Command Capt. Jean-Luc Piccard said. “I thought that it was a long shot and I never imagined it to…

Google Translate Adds New Feature to Interpret Duterte Statements into Layman’s Terms

SILICON VALLEY, California — Web giant Google has unveiled a new version of Google Translate that employs supreme artificial intelligence to provide its best ever interpretation of Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte’s statements into accurate English. Launched yesterday, the updated Google Translate uses ‘neural machine translation’ to give far more accurate translations of confusing Duterte statements to English. “We are…

Mocha Uson Scores Exclusive Meeting with Barack Obama

VIENTIANE, Laos — Famous blogger and vocal Duterte supporter Mocha Uson has managed to score a lengthy and exclusive meeting with U.S. president Barack Obama on the second day of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Summit. On Wednesday (Sept. 7), Uson uploaded on her Facebook page a picture taken during her just concluded meeting with Obama. “I’m very honored to…

Duterte Dissapointed Unused “N” Word-Laden Speech for Obama Will Go to Waste

Vientiane, LAOS — Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte now rues the lost opportunity of the “shitstorm” his now unused “N” word-laden speech towards U.S President Barack Obama would’ve caused now that the latter has cancelled their planned meeting during the 3-day Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Summit Meeting here. “Sayang, napaka ganda pa naman ng pagkakasulat nito na siguradong…

Obama Congratulates Bongbong Marcos via Phone

MANILA, Philippines — The White House confirmed today that United States President Barack Obama personally congratulated vice presidential candidate Bongbong Marcos through a phone call. “President Obama wanted to applaud Senator Marcos on doing a bang-up job enticing voters to vote for him in the recently concluded elections,” the White House said in a statement.…