Pro-Duterte Bloggers’ Voices Now Available on Waze

MANILA, Philippines — Navigation app Waze finally announced their pick on who should be the first Filipino to give you turn-by-turn directions after a meticulous selection process.

Waze Asia Pacific Regional Lead Wona Meng said that they have searched far and wide and found it hard to just select one, hence multiple Filipino personalities was chosen.

“Waze is partnering with the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO) to roll out our first pro-Duterte voice navigation feature. The first DDS to guide you from point A to point B will be PCOO Assistant Secretary Margaux “Mocha” Uson.”

She added, “We had some discussions with our amazing Waze community across the Philippines and we decided that pro-Duterte bloggers has an insane amount of following especially with easily bored and susceptible drivers across the Philippines,”

As expected, users will be guided to their destination with phrases such as, “At the next roundabout, take the second exit, tama po ba mga ka-DDS?” or “Hazard reported, ang proyekto pong ito ay handog sa inyo ni Tatay Digong’s sa ilalim ng kanyang Build Build Build Infrastructure Program.”

The app will automatically cycle between the voices of other pro-Duterte bloggers, so in one trip, you may start with PCCO Asec. Uson, and then midway to your drive, Thinking Pinoy’s RJ Nieto or Sass Rogando Sassot’s voice may chime in, and when you reached your destination, it might be DSWD Asec. Lorraine Marie Badoy greeting you.

Pro-Duterte bloggers has already recorded all 39 of the phrases Waze uses, like, “All set, let’s go Digongmylabs!,” “Heavy Traffic reported ahead due to the incompetence of the previous administration”, as well as “Accident reported ahead, kasalanan ito ni Leni Lugaw na walang ginagawa!” and “In 200 meters, turn right to Marcos Highway, the greatest highway in the universe.”

A new phrase was also added, saying, “”Ayan po mga DDS kaliwa po tayo, wag po tayo sa daang matuwid kasi mga dilawan yan. Kumanan ka pagkatapos, sumunod ka kung ayaw mo ipa-tukhang. Joke lang DDS Symbolism lang iyon,” and “”No dead bodies reported ahead. Gabi gabi kami nag-si-show pero wala naman nakikita.

The new navigational voices will also alert drivers of any nearby drug addicts or police operations in the driver’s vicinity.

Waze also announced that it will change the police icon found on its app to that of Philippine National Police (PNP) chief Director General Ronald “Bato” Dela Rosa’s likeness as well as adding the phrase, “Police who probably wants to enter showbiz reported ahead,” and “Police with leadership and management skills amounting to naught reported ahead.”

The app will also notify you if friends who are critical of the government’s policies are online, and it would automatically add a “dilawan” tag beside their names, because sadly, that is how narrow-minded the programmers at Waze are.

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