MANILA, Philippines — House Speaker and Davao del Norte Representative Pantaleon Alvarez announced Friday that he has filed a bill seeking to legalize polygamy for male members of the House of Representatives.
In his explanatory note, Alvarez said that male lawmakers should be allowed by law to exercise their masculinity by having extra-marital affairs without fear of being disbarred or accused of being a hypocrite.
“There is evidently a need to legally reinvigorate a man’s libido against drought brought about by old age and poor life choices by revising a deterrent coupled by its consistent, persistent and determined implementation,” the measure read.
Alvarez explained that the legalization of polygamy for male members of the House “is a crucial component for an effective, content and happy legislative branch of the government.”
“Sino bang walang girlfriend?” Alvarez wrote on his explanatory note, adding that not only did he have many girlfriends, but also many children out of wed-lock.
“Dati kasi pabulong lang namin napag-uusapan ‘yan ng mga kumpare ko dito sa Kamara,” he explained. “Pero once na maging legal na sya, mas open na kami at maluwag na sa aming mga looban na pagusapan ito.”
The bill also aims to reward lawmakers with extra “pogi points” who comes out and admit to having extra-marital affairs.
“Rewards may be in the form of additional pork, special happy hour discounts at girly bars, exclusive Botox package from cosmetic surgeons or extra bragging rights,” according to Section 4 Paragraph 1 of the said bill.
“Pagod na din kami magisip ng iba’t-ibang nicknames para sa mga girlfriends namin,” Alvarez said; adding the fact that it is also very hard to brag about their conquest when they could only refer to their mistresses’ as “si kwan at si ano“.
“Minsan dahil sa sobrang dami din, nalilito na yung kausap ko kung sino yung tinutukoy ko,” he added.
The bill also seeks to establish a Macho Association for National Interest, Acceptance and Congressional Institutional Stability (MANIACIS) that aims to replace the Congressional Spouses Foundation Inc. (CSFI) that Alvarez ironically wants to abolish.
MANIACIS will be a cause-oriented organization composed of the lawmakers who will be affected by the passage of the said bill.
Alvarez is positive that this bill will immediately be passed, saying that the numbers are on his side.
“May bilang po tayo,” he said. “Bilang panalo, siyempre!”
He also reiterated that similar to the Death Penalty Bill, House leaders and committee chairpersons who vote against the measure will have to be replaced.