TOKYO, Japan – Nintendo and Niantic Labs, creators of Pokémon Go, announced today the launching of five (5) new and never before seen pocket monsters for its popular mobile game, in protest of the sneaky burial of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos.
“We are proud to unveil five new creatures exclusive to our loyal fans here in the Philippines,” said Satoshi Tajiri, creator of the Pokémon franchise. “On November 19, trainers from around the country will be able to catch these newly created monsters and add them do their Pokédex.”
He added, “There’s no better way to celebrate the audacity and impunity of these monsters than by launching a new batch of Pokémon in order to remind Filipinos, especially the youth, on the atrocities and havoc that these creatures wreaked during their reign that they themselves are trying to erase from the current generation’s memories.”
“While Pokémon Go is an augmented reality game, the crimes committed by these monsters during the martial law era are cemented in reality,” reiterated Tajiri. “And since people these days can’t be bothered to fact check every fallacies that they read online, we deemed it necessary to refresh their memories on their true abilities via these pocket monsters.”
The first pocket monster Nintendo revealed was Tyrant, a ghost and dark type Pokémon whose special abilities include “Proclamation No. 1081”, “Iron Fist” and something called “Cronyism”, that is said to be super effective to 1% of the country’s population.
Accompanying Tyrant and the second creature unveiled was Imeldra, a dark and poison type Pokémon with a couple of special abilities, including “Run Away”, “Pick Pocket” and “Shed Skin”, that allow her to heal her own status problems and defy aging.
Next up are Tyrant and Imeldra’s offspring, Bongsly and Ms. Mimee, two dark and unapologetic type monsters. They have the same set of abilities, including “Hypnosis”, “Parental Bond” – where the parent and child attack together; “Amnesia”, as well as “Revisionism”, that in Nintendo’s words are, “sad to say, also super duper effective”.
The last Pokémon Nintendo unveiled was Sandrhew, a dark and poison type baby Pokémon that has no special abilities whatsoever. He is the offspring of Bongsly.
All lAAll newly unveiled Pokémon exclusive to the Philippines have been categorized as “rare”, according to Niantic Labs CEO, John Hank.
“Due to the rarity and gall of these monsters, catching them will prove to be very difficult,” explains Hank. “You will have to throw an insane amount of Poké Balls at these monsters before you will be able to hurt them, let alone capture them.”
Hank encourages trainers who will run out of Poké Balls to not lose hope and instead be creative by throwing other objects such as, but not limited to, rotten tomatoes, eggs, water balloons and other items.
“It doesn’t necessarily have to be round,” he added, saying that items such as an office chair, 10 kilos of bagnet, a stack of Post-It or even kitchen sinks are fair game.
“Anything to dampen the spirits of these pocket monsters, who for so many years, have yet to issue an apology or show an ounce of remorse for the atrocious things their patriarch has done to the country,” he added.
And if the sight of these monsters trying to erase their atrocities from the history books proves too much to bear for their victims, Hank hopes that the chance to pelt Poké Balls, berries or anything not bolted down to the floor at these newly unveiled monsters would bring a little consolation to them.
The five new Pokémon can be captures at Pokéstops located near the Libingan ng mga Bayani (LNMB) and EDSA Shrine starting on the 19th. An update to the game is now available for download to add the new monsters.
Gotta catch ‘em all indeed.