MANILA, Philippines — After denying the request of detained Senators Ramon “Bong” Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada to attend the wake of TV host German “Kuya Germs” Moreno, the Sandiganbayan instead allowed the ghost of the the late showbiz icon to visit them instead.
“After weighing the arguments of the parties, the Court is of the view that the situation presented by the accused could not be considered a special circumstance that deserves exception to the general restrictions on a detention prisoner’s rights,” the Sandiganbayan said. “But if the desire of the accused is to pay their respects to the late industry leader, then this court shall hereby grant the privilege of being visited by the ghost of German Moreno instead.”
It added, “Furthermore, this court shall set the visitation hours of the Moreno’s nebulous image for the whole day, seven days a week.”
The anti-graft body hopes that the spirit of Moreno would visit the detained senators during the wee hours of the night, when the embattled lawmakers are deep in slumber; and then awaken them while shouting “walang tulugan” until they pee their pajamas so wet they’ll ask the Sandiganbayan for a new pair.
“We are doing this not because of Senators Estrada or Revilla. We are doing this because of the late Kuya Germs,” said the joint statement from the Sandiganbayan’s 1st and 5th division. “If all they want is to pay their respects, a haunting experience is the best way that we can think of.”
“Furthermore, the senators could have paid their respects to the industry they started in by being famous for the right reasons,” it added. “And not by the apparent corrupt practices in their current careers, that the industry they originally belonged to was responsible for putting them there in the first place.”
RIP German “Kuya Germs” Moreno