NAIA Personnel to be Wrapped in Plastic to Prevent Further ‘Tanim-Bala’ Incidents

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A plastic-wrapped NAIA personnel inspects the luggage of a passenger using his body to nudge the contents inside.

MANILA, Philippines — Manila International Airport Authority (MIAA) general manager José Angel Honrado reminded passengers today that there is no need for them to wrap their luggage in plastic as they are taking extreme measures in order to prevent further incidents of “tanim bala” from ever happening again.

“The MIAA is thinking out of the box, no pun intended, to curb this horrendous modus that is becoming prevalent in our airports,” Honrado said during a press conference. “Instead of passengers wrapping their luggage in plastic, we would instead wrap all airport personnel in plastic.”

“You don’t have to pay for anything to prevent something that is caused by our greed and incompetence in the first place,” he added, referring to a plastic-wrapping service already being offered at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA).

At the start of each shift, rank and file employees would be asked to turn around repeatedly in a specially-built platform as a a newly acquired automated plastic-wrapping machine covers their entire body with biodegradable plastic from head to toe. Special holes for breathing and ventilation are provided for the well-being of all personnel.

“This way you can be assured that their hands are severely restrained and would be incapable of planting a bullet in your precious bags,” he added.

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A plastic-wrapped OTS personnel inspects a plastic-wrapped luggage of a passenger.

When asked how the members of Office of Transportation Security (OTS) would be able to perform its duty with their body immobilized, Honrado explained that plastic-wrapped personnel would still be able to nudge and budge the luggage using their body in order to scan it into the x-ray machines.

Honrado added, “Wrapping our staff in plastic would also disable their ability to speak and thus negating the possibility of any extortion attempts.”

Malacañang hailed the steps that MIAA has taken and hopes that the riding public would now be at ease knowing the government is taking steps to curb this modus operandi.

“We would like to remind everyone that we are on top of this issue and that actions, although drastic, are already being taken,” said Department of Transportation and Communications (DOTC) secretary Emilio Abaya. “Rest assured the public shouldn’t be worried about it.”

“We would also like to remind everyone that there is no need for me, MIAA general manager Honrado, or even the President to be wrapped in plastic,” he added.

‘We are very much ‘plastic‘ as it is.”

61 thoughts on “NAIA Personnel to be Wrapped in Plastic to Prevent Further ‘Tanim-Bala’ Incidents

    • It’s satirical, but does not offer any solution. We Pinoys are good in pun, play of words, satires, and we enjoy–and in the middle of the fun, we tend to forget the real issue that’s why we often are taken as shallow, frivolous people. Sad to say even stupid. Dapat ang pagkaabalahan eh hindi puro jokes dahil nangangailangan din ng maraming oras at effort ang magsulat ng ganyan kundi positibo at creative ways kung papano masugpo ang ganitong anomalya. Dahil ang dating niyan sa mga culprits–biro lang, hindi na sila tinatablan at ang masaklap–conditioned na sila–SANAY NA, KUBALAN NA sa bisaya pa. For once magisip naman tayo…

  1. Stupid? How much did you get from acquiring those machines? Is that the only solutions your little minds can think of? Shame!

    • Ang kaso nga hinde naman naka uniform ang mga kasabwat ng mga nasa luob at gumagawa at nakiki halobilo sila sa mga pasahero. At paneling at ang pasahero duon na nila lalaglagan ng bala ang bag nila.

  2. if this is true..stupid and absurd..I wouldn’t doubt for a second that this is the only solution the inept and super retarded President could think of. LOL!

  3. fuck you How about fucking U.S.A does this will you make a joke of your stupidity America Shut the fuck up guys if you all have nothing good to say .At lease this will be for the safety of the passengers fuckers! what will we do if our pres did that we don’t care at lease it’s for our safety measures what if its true why at lease we dont smoke weeds like America did ./.

  4. Satirical is already in all-caps. Maybe some people just can’t see the humor of this “solution” because the actual problem alone is so infuriating.

  5. Hahaha, very funny. Might as well sila na nga lang ang balutin… Makes more sense. LOL. And then we can be certified the most stupid country in the world….

  6. I don’t think wrapping the personnel will work. They should fire and change ALL the personnel who has access to luggages. Many are jobless so it will be easy for them to hire a fresh employees yung wala pang sungay. That scandal is a shame and will scare foreigners to visit Philippines.

  7. For the first time.. The longest written joke ever. And its really hilarious. Normally long jokes arent funny.. writer was brilliant

  8. Mga kaibigan. Kapag sinabing SATIRICAL, galing sa salitang Ingles na SATIRE. HINDI ITO TOTOO. Ito ay ginawa para ikaw ay matuwa sa kapangitang nakikita mo sa kapaligiran, tulad ng kasabihang, “Tawanan mo ang iyong problema”. Ang ganitong artikulo ay hindi dapat siniseryoso, kundi, ikaw ay makakatanggap ng ARTIKULO UNO.

  9. yung mga comment na “its a joke/search satirical in google” sila rin yung mga nabiktima ng page na ito dami mga hilevel iQ dito

  10. Yes, it’s satirical, but culturally, we Pinoys enjoy satires, puns and jokes– that we don’t plumb deeper into the meaning of such. And such are culprits who for a moment would feel shamed but through conditioning they never take satires seriously. In short, dahil palaging ginagawa natin yan sa lahat ng anomalya–nasanay na ang mga culprits–in fact nageenjoy pa nga sila. Mapagbiro ang lahi natin, kaya hindi puedeng pagbibiro din ang solusyon. Kasi kung sino man ang nagsulat ng article nato, katakot-takot na time at effort ang ininvest niya. Kung siya ay nagisip ng mga creative or inventive ways at nirecomenda niya as solusyon–makakatulong pa sana. Naglipana ang ganitong mga articulo, pero nakatulong ba? Maari, pero hindi sigurado. Kaya tayo tinatawag na mga shallow thinking people, frivolous, dahil narin sa pagiging “mapagbiro” natin na wala sa lugar kung minsan. At ang nakakalungkot, binabansagan pa tayo na estupido!

  11. Sounds sarcastic! Coming from a government official, very insensitive to resolved the issue. Do you think, your DUMB idea will end this kind of illegal activity that victimize passengers . Ganito kababaw ang pag iisip ng mga government officials na nagpapatakbo ng bayan natin… Kawawang inang bayan!!

  12. It isn’t funny at all, it’s ridiculous and shameful. NAIA security personnel should have a human value spiritual formation course in order to make them realize the grave responsibility in their hands. It’s really painful to think that this bullet-planting happened. Ang tanong ngayon ay, sino ang may lakas-loob ng pumunta ng Pilipinas?

  13. Pingback: 8 Reasons Tanim-Bala Is An Overblown Issue

  14. The comments are funnier than the article. Products of low education. And we wonder why we have so much problems. Haha

  15. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The funniest news I ever read!!! If this will really happen we are the only country with cling-wrapped airport inspectors and personnel…another first in history.

  16. better to replace them ALL with new employees – starting w/ the stupid general manager José Angel Honrado. maraming papalit sa inyo na me mga dangal at dignidad.

  17. love the comments. pa english english pa yung iba.. parang facebook lang.. dami nagsusulat about things they dont know. epal lang talaga..
    cheers to the author.

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