MANILA, Philippines — Manila International Airport Authority (MIAA) general manager José Angel Honrado reminded passengers today that there is no need for them to wrap their luggage in plastic as they are taking extreme measures in order to prevent further incidents of “tanim bala” from ever happening again.
“The MIAA is thinking out of the box, no pun intended, to curb this horrendous modus that is becoming prevalent in our airports,” Honrado said during a press conference. “Instead of passengers wrapping their luggage in plastic, we would instead wrap all airport personnel in plastic.”
“You don’t have to pay for anything to prevent something that is caused by our greed and incompetence in the first place,” he added, referring to a plastic-wrapping service already being offered at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA).
At the start of each shift, rank and file employees would be asked to turn around repeatedly in a specially-built platform as a a newly acquired automated plastic-wrapping machine covers their entire body with biodegradable plastic from head to toe. Special holes for breathing and ventilation are provided for the well-being of all personnel.
“This way you can be assured that their hands are severely restrained and would be incapable of planting a bullet in your precious bags,” he added.
When asked how the members of Office of Transportation Security (OTS) would be able to perform its duty with their body immobilized, Honrado explained that plastic-wrapped personnel would still be able to nudge and budge the luggage using their body in order to scan it into the x-ray machines.
Honrado added, “Wrapping our staff in plastic would also disable their ability to speak and thus negating the possibility of any extortion attempts.”
Malacañang hailed the steps that MIAA has taken and hopes that the riding public would now be at ease knowing the government is taking steps to curb this modus operandi.
“We would like to remind everyone that we are on top of this issue and that actions, although drastic, are already being taken,” said Department of Transportation and Communications (DOTC) secretary Emilio Abaya. “Rest assured the public shouldn’t be worried about it.”
“We would also like to remind everyone that there is no need for me, MIAA general manager Honrado, or even the President to be wrapped in plastic,” he added.
‘We are very much ‘plastic‘ as it is.”