Davao City Bans Selling and Eating of Shrimps

hiponDAVAO CITY, Philippines — To avoid confusion on what the word “hipon” really means, The Davao City Council, led by Mayor Rodrigo Duterte, issued a moratorium declaring the selling and eating of the controversial crustacean as illegal.

“To set the record straight, ang salitang hipon ay isang uri ng pangiinsulto sa mga kababaihan,” said Mayor Duterte. “Ang isang bagay na nakakapangiinsulto ay hindi dapat tinatangkilik ng mga mamimili sa palengke at pantalan.

Hipon is local slang term for a woman who has a sexy body but an ugly face.

The resolution came after comedian, Ramon Bautista, was declared persona non grata for a joke he made during the Kadayawan Festival. Former Mayor Sara Duterte, who is famous for her respectful and down-to-earth attitude, urged the city council to declare Bautista as an unwelcomed person in the city, and for the crustacean as well.

Natutuwa ako sa hakbang na ito ng City Council upang maiwasan ang kalituhan kung ano talaga ang ibig sabihin ng hipon,” the younger Duterte said.

The resolution officially bans shrimps of all kinds, including sugpo, which is a gay lingo for an extremely buff, sexy or fit person with an extremely ugly face.  Popular Japanese dish Tempura will also be banned as it means an ugly person who dresses up well.

Violators who are caught selling, buying or consuming shrimps would be asked to say sorry to the public AND be declared persona non grata. An appeal to be welcomed back into the city is possible via a strenuous and demanding process involving walking with bended knees from the airport all the way to the city hall and asking for forgiveness from the mayor while bawling.

“Or just move to a different city where the Mayor is not as respectful and compassionate to other human beings as me,” Duterte said.

Rodrigo Duterte

Mayor Rodrigo Duterte demonstrates his righteousness by flashing the dirty finger.

Dahil mahal natin ang ating kapwa tao, hindi natin hahayang masaktan ang kanilang damdamin,” he said. Her daughter chimed in, saying, “Susuntukin ko ng apat na beses and sinumang magtangka nito,” while his father flashed the dirty finger to taunt would be violators.

“Low self-esteem Davaoenos and Davaoenas can sleep easy at night knowing that comedians who will come here in the future can no longer use words such as hipon or sugpo when telling their jokes,” she added. “Dahil magiging irrelaevant na ang salitang ito dito sa Davao simula ngayon.”

The Davao City Council is still drafting a separate resolution to also declare antibiotics, katol (mosquito coil), Duty Free and mahogany, among others, as illegal in the city.


33 thoughts on “Davao City Bans Selling and Eating of Shrimps

  1. I guess there’s not only too much hate in this article, but it also failed to achieve satire. This is a sarcastic article by the way. Satire is much more artistic due to its subtlety, and this article has none of it. The photo embedded along just gave it away, that’s pure sarcasm.

      • Exactly. What bothers me most is that, above this comment box, there’s an all-caps word “SATIRICAL”, whereas the article isn’t even close to it.

        Don’t get me wrong, but I do agree with the overreaction of some people in Davao, but if this site’s intention is to provide satirical articles, then they should really be up for it.

        I mentioned there’s too much hate, because I don’t think writing a satire should involve that kind of lowly emotion. Satire is an art. This article claiming to be one just ruins the whole art of satire. It’s like trying to sing Ave Maria, while hitting the highest note in flat.

      • As much as I strive to write witty satirical articles consistently, I must admit that some posts might not be up to par with others. A different approach might be used for certain topics, such as the sarcastic tone used here. My intention was to provide an overreacted scenario with sarcasm to address the overreaction by the folks in Davao, that some might or might not appreciate.

        I do respect your criticism and really appreciate your comments which in turn motivates me to write (possibly a little) better in the future. I also admit that this blog is far from perfect that grammar-nazis would have a field day here if ever.

        My main goal with this blog is to provide humor through witty articles. If this article failed you, maybe other articles on this blog might tickle your fancy.

        Thank you and best regards. Do keep those constructive criticisms coming. 🙂

  2. Ano ba naman ito, dahil lang ba sa nagawa ni RB pati pagkain ng sugpo or hipon pinagbabawal na.. Time will come na ang mga taga Dabaw will be under the marial law rule ng mga Duterte. Ang tanong ko lang, Bakit di nyo naipagbawal kumain ng baboy ang mga tao sa Dabaw samantalang marami ng mga muslims ang nakatira sa lungsod ng Dabaw..

  3. Wait did you just call davao people as self-esteem? uh oh. Sino kaya mas mahirap satin? 😉 i mean you know you’re all just yabang right? kahit nasa squatters may sasakyan. hahaha

  4. I was shocked to know that even a stupid individual can write an article. FASCINATING!
    Is this the meaning of nothing is impossible for Filipino’s?

  5. Davao is like a self governed region. Wtf is this bended knees from airport to city hall? This shows the savagery of the old times. I hope duterte never get ellected or even nominated as president.


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