Cabinet Secretaries Confident PNoy Would Still Trust Them Even If They Suck At Their Jobs

MANILA, Philippines — Cabinet secretaries of the Aquino administration candidly revealed today that they get to sleep easy at night knowing that President Benigno Aquino III would not fire them from their posts, even if everybody knows how  inutile they are at their jobs.

Nakakatulog naman ako ng mahimbing sa gabi dahil alam ko na pag-gising ko sa umaga ay may trabaho pa din ako,” said DOTC Sec. Jun Abayad, during an event hosted by the United Secretaries and Undersecretaries of the Cabinet  (USUC), the official support group for cabinet secretaries. “Kahit ilang train pa ang masira o maaksidente, sigurado akong kumpyansa pa din si Presidente sa akin!” “

When asked if he was sincere when he expressed recently his willingness to ride the MRT, Abayad let out a hearty laugh.

“I don’t see the point in me riding the MRT,” said Abayad. “It’s like asking the DOH secretary if he would ride an ambulance.”

Oo nga! Yung sa akin nga ang sabi sa Mindanao daw ako tumira para maranasan ko daw ang rotational brownouts,” added DOE secretary Jericho Patilya, who was sitting next to Abayad.

Buti nalang hindi tayo gaanong prinipressure ni Presidente. Ang sarap ng buhay!” he added. “At kung sakaling magka problema man, sisihin ko lang yung gulo sa Middle East, ‘world market’ o di kaya’y ipasa ko na agad sa presidente. Solve!

petilya_card

Petilya, showing off his “Emergency Powers for the President” card.

Petilya added that being able to wield the “Emergency-Powers-for-the-President Card” comes in very handy, especially when faced with a crisis.

“Whenever the effect of my incompetence starts to manifest itself to the public, that’s when I use this,” he explained, while showing the actual card (right photo).

“May pacard-card ka pang nalalaman,” said Budget Secretary Florencio Babad to Patilya. “Ako sasabihin ko lang ‘good faith’ ayos na lahat eh!

Other cabinet secretaries shared the same sentiments, saying that the President definitely had their backs however fucked-up they are at their job.

Yung isang member nga nating si Dukot, nadawit na sa PDAF scam, trust pa din sya ng Presidente eh, yung responsable pa kaya sa pagtaas ng presyo ng bilihin?” said another member who requested to remain anonymous.

Ako nga nadawit na sa PDAF scam AND may plunder charges pa dahil sa overpricing daw ng bigas, eh tiwala pa din si Bossing sa akin eh,” jested Agriculture Secretary Proceso Acala.

Kulang nalang sabihin ko sa pangulo na, ‘Hello? Panay kalokohan na ginagawa ko o, pansinin nyo naman po ako?! Pleeease?’

USUC President and Interior Secretary Mar Broxas also shared his thoughts during the forum.

Kapag napipicturan tayong ginagawa ang ating trabaho sinisita tayo. Kapag pinagpapawisan tayong magbuhat ng sako ng bigas, binabansagan tayong epal. San na tayo lulugar?!” he said.

Out of frustration, Broxas exclaimed, “Sino ba ang dapat mamatay para maging presidente ako?” before leaving the stage.

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