MANILA, Philippines — Chinese poachers caught off the coast of Palawan finally revealed what they were planning to do with almost 500 marine turtles seized from their fishing vessel last week. According to ship’s captain identified as Bei Mei Ke, they were filming a spinoff Ninja Turtles movie reboot specifically for the Chinese market.
Entitled 忍者龟甲鱼汤 or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Soup in English, the movie is about four young turtles trained in the martial arts, who are trying to avoid being cooked into a Chinese delicacy by renowned restaurateur Cooking Master Chef Splinter. “It tells the story of a greedy connoisseur who goes to great lengths in order to attain medicinal benefits of endangered reptiles without any scientific basis to back it up,” added Bei.
Bei Mai Ke is the famous director behind such famous Chinese hits as Sharksfinado, Crouching Tiger Penis, Hidden Powers, The Silence of the Lamb’s Testicles, The Sea Horse Whisperer and the hilarious CGI hit, The Pangolins of Madagascar.
“But now that the turtles have been released into the wild, we now have to put the production on hold,” said Fah Mei Gan, one of the ship’s crew who also happens to star in the movie.
Her most notable work is a documentary inspired by Johnny Knoxville’s Jackass: The Movie about China as a country , entitled Jackass: The Country.
Stay tuned for further developments.