CBCP to Celebrate Supreme Court’s RHLaw Ruling with “Fuckapalooza”

MANILA, Philippines — The Catholic Bigots and Chauvinists of the Philippines (CBCP) headed by Fr. Calvin Castro of CBCP’s Konsumisyon of Family and Life announced today that they are celebrating the historical ruling of the Supreme Court, declaring the RH Law constitutional via a grand event called “Fuckapalooza”.

The Supreme Court (SC) unanimously declared the Reproductive Health (RH) law constitutional but struck down 8 provisions partially or in full.

SC spokesman Theodore Te said in a press briefing on Tuesday, April 8: “The RH law is not unconstitutional.” (full story here)

“Although we are saddened by the Supreme Court’s decision, we would not take this sitting down,” said Castro. “Instead of being sad, the Lord has taught us to look at the bright side, especially with the recent turn of events.”

Fuckapalooza is an event organized by the CBCP where participants will try to set a Guinness World Record for  “The Most Number of Married Couples Simultaneously Using the Withdrawal Method”.

fuckapalooza“Although the RH Law now offers various choices of family planning methods, there’s no law stopping us from using our tried and tested method of accidentally getting pregnant en masse,” added Castro.

Saying that “drastic times call for drastic measures”, Castro added that “before Filipinos wise up to the various benefits of reproductive health services”, his group would try to squeeze in a “last ditch effort.”

With the RH law being declared constitutional, Castro revealed that he’ll miss the days when Filipinos would pray so hard that they would not get pregnant again.

Dati rati, ipagdadasal mo talaga na ‘Lord, sana hindi ako ulit mabuntis,’ pagkatapos ‘nyong magtalik ni mister” he said. “Ngayong, magiging kampante na sila sa dami ng pagpipiliang serbisyo sa pagplaplano ng kanilang pamilya, which scares us the most.”

Aside from setting a world record, Fuckapalooze also aims to celebrate the Philippines moving out of the dark ages with a bang, figuratively and literally.

“Make that simultaneous bangs,” said Castro.

39 thoughts on “CBCP to Celebrate Supreme Court’s RHLaw Ruling with “Fuckapalooza”

  1. Disgusting! I just hope babalik sa inyo yang mga hindi magandang ginagawa nyo! Ma-KARMA sana kau ng sampong ulit ksama na mga magiging anak nyo at magiging anak pa nila! Sana hindi kau makatulog sa gabi! Sinusumpa ko kau! Sa ginagawa nyong nyan hindi kau aasenso, gagapang kau sa lupa ng parang ahas sa hirap! Sinusumpa ko kau lalo na kung sino man ang ngpasimuno nito na sadyang wlang katotohanan! Babalik din sa inyo yang mga masasamang ginagawa nyo! Saan k man ngayon may araw k din!

      • Kung makasumpa daig pa demonyo! hahaha! Grabe ka teh! Yan ba ang natutunan nmo sa pagiging banal mo! lol. Mas malala ka pa eh!

    • IHoy bitch kung sino ka man, wag kang mag-magaling kang pota ka. Anak ka ng pota! Bakit? Sa tingin mo panu ka nabuhay at ginawa? Putang ina mo kang hayop ka! Sigurado ako na ginawa, or gagawin mo din yan. Wag mo sabihing hindi! At kung may anak ka na, panu ka nag-anak ng mister mo? Anu yun magic lang? Anak ng tarantandong puta ka! Mag-isip muna bago magpost at magbitch rage! Ay teka, bitch ka na nga pala, hahaha. Masyado kang bulag sa diyos diyosan mo at relihiyon Bitch. Open up your pus… etse Eyes and Brains pala loco bitch! Sarap mong ilublob sa imburnal taeng bitch/fanatic hahaha.

    • Pasumpa sumpa ka pang nalalaman. Gusto nyong kuntrolin pagiisip ng mga pinoy kahit di naman lahat katoliko. Sa dinaming mga pederast at pedophile na mga pari di nyo kayaning tangalin sa abito, dito pa kayo nagkakalat sa isang satirico na tulad nito.

  2. Ikaw SWN kung sino ka man may araw k din! Yong pambababoy mo sa relihiyong katoliko babalik din yan sau yan ng 100 ulit tandaan mo yan! Ma KARMA ka din tandaan mo yan! Antayin mo lang! Ang karma hindi parang sili na aanghang agad! Weeks? Months? Mark my word! Isinusumpa kita! Gagapang k sa lupa na parang ahas sa hirap wlanghiya ka! Sanay hindi k makatulog na sa gabi! You pig!

  3. @SWN, inject humor? Hindi k nakakatawa! Nakakasuka kang baboy ka! Sana darating ang panahon na matuhog ka dahil kulang na lang mansanas sa bibig mo! Either matuhog k ng kusa sa kawayan or mabangga ka sa kalsada at matuhog ka! Baboy!!! Mag diet diet k din pag may time! Pra hindi ba lang puro kasinungalingan ang naiimbento dyan sa kukuti kong puno na ng taba!!!

  4. It is so sad satires are being used now as a form of downright irreverence when it used to be a way of expressing intelligent criticism using wit and humor. This one is hardly intelligent. And I cannot imagine how some people would actually conceive of such things to happen. What for? Public display of indecency?

  5. Glad that I read this article from my newsfeed in facebook. People must be awaken by this kind of article. I called it an ART ~ Intelligent Criticism.🙂

  6. The Bishop of Grenada says fellatio is not a sin so long as you think of Jesus while doing it. Kasama ba ito sa event?

  7. I challenge this person to a vale todo fight. If I win, he has to delete this post but if he wins, you may have all the money in my bank account. Reply immediately.

    I getting tired of all these disrespect to the Catholic Church. It is time to change it.

  8. So how the vale todo fight would stop disrespecting the catholicism?..why don’t you challenge them in an intelligent debate?..prove that catholicism is the right religion..

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