Hospital VIP Rooms Being Prepared in Anticipation for Senators Getting Sick

MANILA, Philippines — After the Office of the Ombudsman found probable cause to file graft and plunder charges against three senators allegedly involved in the pork barrel scam, construction work has started at top hospitals around Metro Manila for their respective VIP rooms in anticipation for embattled politicians getting sick.

Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada, and Ramon Revilla Jr. face arrest and detention if the Ombudsman rejects their appeal and if the anti-graft court Sandiganbayan rules they should be held without bail for plunder in connection with the pork barrel scam. (from ABS-CBN News)

“We are so proud to announce the construction of our special VIP rooms with state of the art amenities and recreational facilities for our honorable patients,” said Dr. Gregorio Balay M.D., Head of Operations for Cardinal Santos Medical Center (CSMC). “They are also equipped with the latest medical equipment, of course.”

CSMC’s VIP rooms would come equipped with:

  • Complimentary wireless internet
  • LCD TV with HD channels including HBO, and Pay-Per-View movies
  • In-room safe, able to accommodate one duffle bag containing P1 or P2 million cash
  • cardinal

    The VIP Room inside Cardinal Santos Medical Center with in-room wooden podium.

    Wake-up service, maid service and 24-hour room service

  • Mini refrigerator & iPod docking station stereo and alarm clock
  • In-room podium to practice privilege speech
  • Complimentary breakfast for 2
  • Latest fitness equipment to stay sexy

Not to be outdone, Cavite Medical Center (CMC) also started construction of their own VIP room that is scheduled to be completed on April 13.

“Our VIP room is specifically designed with our patient’s needs,” said Dr. Pedro Capaldi, spokesman for CMC, who has been in contact with a senator during his divine intercession abroad.

Capaldi added that aside from the usual hospital services reserved for politicians such as tennis courts, 8-course meals, daily newspaper, bathtub, spa and 24 hour concierge; the honorable senator had other requests that he would like to see upon his return from Jerusalem.

CAVITE

The large tub of vapor rub inside Cavite Medical Center’s VIP Room

“He wanted a mirror so he could brush-up on his acting skills,” revealed Capaldi. “He also requested a large tube of mentholated vapor rubs so he can practice crying at the same time.”

Mentholated balm is applied under the eyes to help coax out tears.

“Aside from that, wala na namang ibang request si Kap,” he said.

Unlike the above mentioned hospitals, St. Luke’s Medical Center doesn’t need to construct new VIP rooms, as their current offerings are enough.

“The Geriatric Department of St. Luke’s Medical Center is proud of its current facilities and we don’t see any need to construct new rooms,” boasted Dr. Willy Hartnell.

Although no major construction would be undertaken, Dr. Hartnell understands the need to add a few features, especially for patients who only has a few years left on their journey that is called life.

“We recently added high-tech tablets to keep our patients entertained,” he added. “Bejeweled seems to be the current favorite among our nonagenarian patients.”

He added, “I’m pretty sure they will be excited to compete high scores with our upcoming patient.”

Stay tuned for further developments.

7 thoughts on “Hospital VIP Rooms Being Prepared in Anticipation for Senators Getting Sick

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s