Israel Prime Minister Vows to Return Senator Bong Revilla to the Philippines


Israel’s Minister for Religious Affairs Naftali Bennett tries to pacify an angry crowd during his press conference.

JERUSALEM, Israel — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu assured Filipinos that his country will return embattled senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla, after the latter departed for the Holy Land with his family Saturday, March 29 to seek “divine intercession”.

Israel’s Minister for Religious Affairs Naftali Bennett read the statement prepared by Netanyahu to the press amid allegations that Revilla was fleeing the Philippines after he anticipated the release of his arrest warrant for his alleged role in the PDAF scam.

“Israel would like to assure our brothers and sisters in the Philippines that Mr. Revilla would definitely return to your country, whether he is spiritually enlightened or not by the end of his trip,” said Bennett from Netanyahu’s statement.

He added, “We have reviewed his itinerary and are confident that the honorable senator’s trip is all about seeking divine intercession and nothing more.”

He allayed fears and cited the Senator’s allegedly hand-carried luggage labeled “divine stuff” containing various lengths of rosaries, 30 different copies of bibles, a scourge, rubbing alcohol, sterilized four inch nails and a 15 ft. cross weighing 110 pounds.

“No hidden money or contraband here,” commented Steve Ogg, Head of Airport Security for Ben Gurion International Airport.  “I guess he’s really the spiritual type of guy.”

Additionally, his itinerary for April 18 is a visit to the Calvary, a site immediately outside Jerusalem’s walls where Jesus was crucified.

“I guess that’s where the whip, cross, nails and rubbing alcohol would be used,” added Ogg, who wished that a man as kind and honest as the senator shouldn’t have to go to such great lengths just to prove an entire nation how innocent he is.

“Look, I wouldn’t carry a gigantic cross from my home, all the way to the airport, into the airplane and out of it, and then drag that cross to Golgotha if I was a crook, right?” said Ogg.

Prime Minister Netanyahu also revealed that he had tasked his Ministry of Finance to check whether there are any bogus Non-Government Organizations (NGO) in Israel.

“Just to be on the safe side, you never know,” said Netanyahu in an ambush interview.

He also reiterated his vow to return Revilla on April 13, “by hook or by crook”, just in time for his wife’s birthday.

“Rest assured that whatever announcement he shall make upon his return would definitely have the blessings of the Lord,” he added, referring to the statement made by Revilla’s lawyer about an important announcement on the senator’s return.

“Because a kind, honest and incorruptible man such as Revilla, would never use the religious significance of a country and the name of the Lord for his personal gain,” said Netanyahu.

“And a country such as the Philippines would definitely not fall for such shenanigans.”


3 thoughts on “Israel Prime Minister Vows to Return Senator Bong Revilla to the Philippines

  1. Pingback: Construction Starts on Hospital’s VIP Rooms in Anticipation for Senators Getting Sick | So, What's News?

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