Meralco Threatens Consumers with Zombie Outbreak to Justify Power Rate Hike

GREEDMANILA, Philippines — Stopping short of saying that the world as we know it will cease to exist if the Supreme Court will not lift the temporary restraining order (TRO) it issued with regards to the power rate hike, Manila Electric Co. (Meralco) is reportedly coming up with even more diabolical scenarios to tell the public to convince them that the additional charges are justified.

“It would seem that rotational blackouts are no longer effective as a scare tactic,” said Joe Zaldrriaga of Meralco’s Public Information Office. “Even saying that it would happen during summer when the weather is scorching hot, doesn’t seem to illicit the same amount of panic as before.”

That is why think tanks at the utility company are hard at work trying to come up with other nefarious situations with corresponding tables and infographics containing fictional numbers and data to justify the hike.

“We’re planning to tell our customers during one of our infomercials that the explosion of the sun is imminent,” said Zaldrriaga. “If the thought of a super solar flare burning your skin to a crisp and the thought of a power shortage failing to power any sort of cooling device at the same time doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what else will.”

But Zaldrriaga’s partner, Maita David was quick to point out that Merlaco have more tricks up their sleeve.

meralco advisory

“If that doesn’t force the Supreme Court to lift the TRO, we have other doomsday scenarios such as black holes, giant meteor hitting the Earth, zombie outbreak and #Binay2016,” said David.

Meralco decided to go on the offensive after it failed to garner any praise or positive feedback from the public after announcing lower electricity rates this February.

“We thought doing this would cover up the fact that we tried to pull a fast one on you two months prior,” said Zaldrriaga. “Obviously, a 13-centavo savings per kWh is a far-cry from having to pony-up P4.15 per kWh.”

“Boy, what were we thinking?!” laughed David.

She added, “We’re upping the ante on these doomsday scenarios just to make sure that the public will have no choice but to  embrace the power rate hike.”

“How do you raise the bar for something as scary as #BINAY2016?” asked this author.

According to David, they are willing to go as far as to remove the current President from office by any means necessary, thus forcing the Vice President to take over prematurely.

“If the thought of Binay being elected into office in two year’s time doesn’t scare the beejeezus out of you, how about Binay becoming your president next Tuesday?”

“Cause if Binay as your president for 6 years doesn’t scare you, Binay as your president for 8 years probably will,” explained Zaldrriaga.

shutuptakemoney

P.S. This article is not sponsored nor paid by any political entity as a form of black propaganda. This is just the scariest scenario that the author can think of at the moment. 

8 thoughts on “Meralco Threatens Consumers with Zombie Outbreak to Justify Power Rate Hike

  1. ACTIVATING DEFENSE MODE…

    THIS IS A SATIRICAL ARTICLE. EVERYTHING HERE IS FAKE. YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU WILL TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

    … defense mode terminated.

    Pero in my opinion, okay lang kung magkaroon ng price hike ang Meralco, huwag nga lang ‘yung biglaan na kagaya ng P4.15 na rate, kahit sino aatakihin doon. Kung tutuusin, tayo din ang makikinabang diyan, eh. Ang problema lang, marami sa atin ang maluluho pagdating sa paggamit ng kuryente. Magbababad sa TV, magpapatunog ng radyo na napakalakas, buong araw umaandar ang electric fan, etc., pero once na nakita nilang mataas ang bill ng kuryente nila, sila pa ang may ganang magreklamo. Kailangan magtipid, limited lang ang supply ng kuryente na mayroon tayo, hindi ‘yan forever. ‘Yan ang dapat maintindihan ng mga kababayan natin.

    At ang isa pa, distributor ang Meralco, hindi sila supplier. Ang mga rate hikes na ‘yan ay galing sa mga nagsu-supply ng kuryente (e.g. WESM). Sila ang tunay na nagdidikta ng presyo ng kuryente, hindi ang Meralco. Kaya lang nasisisi ang Meralco ay sila ang nagi-issue ng bills natin (at ang ibinayad natin sa kanila ay ginagamit na pambili ng kuryente). Kapag tumaas ang singil nila, magtataas din ng singil ang Meralco para makahabol. At hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nila pinupuntirya ang Meralco samantalang ginagawa lang nito ang trabaho niya.

    Pero nililinaw ko lang po, opinyon ko lang ito. You can agree or disagree, it’s your choice, no one’s stopping you.

    And on a final note: Binay for 2016… IN YOUR DREAMS!!!

  2. I don’t visit SoWhatsNews often nor do I follow their social media accounts… but I just want to know…..

    Why didn’t you write something about the Vhong Navarro VS Cedric Lee and Deniece Cornejo news?🙂 I’d like to read your take on that.

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s