BONIFACIO GLOBAL CITY, Philippines — Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) secretary Mar Roxas officially announced yesterday a special hotline number that prominent citizens of the Philippines can call for their special treatment needs.
“High profile citizens of this country can dial VOTE-MAR-2016, that’s 8683-627-2016 to access the ‘Mar Roxas’ Special Treatment for Special People with Special Needs Hotline‘”, said Roxas proudly during the product launch.
“Upper class Filipinos who are scared for their life due to imminent danger caused by threats, bad business decisions, poor judgement of character or just plain lust can contact us via the aforementioned telephone number.”
Special considerations would be extended for middle class citizens on a case-to-case basis, clarified Roxas.
As the name implies, the hotline would be manned by none other than the Interior Secretary himself, and is open 24/7. “I would personally pick-up the phone to listen to your plight,” he said.
“For example, it’s the middle of the night and you received a phone call where the caller is threatening to kill you,” explained the secretary. “What is it that you do? Call the hotline right away and I’ll send someone from the Philippine National Police to provide security to you posthaste.”
“No questions asked.”
Roxas boasted a quick response time of 10-minutes after hanging-up to receive your special treatment.
“At kung residente ka ng any of the Ayala Land properties, may special promo ako na ‘Ask 1 Get 2’ PNP personnel in just 5 minutes!” exclaimed Roxas with excitement.
Other services besides security includes transportation services, company image protection and gas leak detection.
“Baka nagluluto ka ng Lobster Thermidor, at duda ka na may singaw ang LPG mo. Aba’y tawag ka lang at pupuntahan kita agad sa condo mo.“
According to Roxas, this project came to fruition after several prominent personalities cried foul when Vhong Navarro was able to seek his assistance regarding his predicament.
“I know how difficult it is for the average upper class Filipino to receive special treatment without knowing anybody in the government,” said Roxas. “This hotline shall bridge the gap between that showbiz celebrity who has powerful connections and that wealthy businessman who has nobody to lean on from the government.”
He went on to say, “The days when ONLY the poverty-stricken citizens and the poorest of poor received special treatments and swift justice for crimes committed against them are over.”
“Dapat patas tayo sa lahat,” he added. “Hindi porke’t maralita ka eh aasikausin ka na agad, dahil may mga kababayan din tayong mayayaman at influential na nangangailangan ng ating tulong.”
Not to be outdone, the Department of Justice (DOJ) headed by Sec. Leila De Lima also plans to launch a similar hotline for the unfairly treated, often-overlooked personalities from the high society.