SWN’s Holiday Gift Guide 2013

Are you still searching for the perfect gift for that special someone, loved ones, friends, office mates or even your enemies? Well, look no further as SWN helps you with our annual holiday gift guide.


Life-Sized Sir Chief Body Pillow™


From the makers of the Zoren Legaspi Bolster Pillow, comes this year’s must have sleeping companion. Made from the softest fabric and stuffed with 100% cotton, the Life-Sized Sir Chief Body Pillow let’s you relieve the infamous first kiss, the big wedding and the first night, all in the comfort of your own bed!

Also available for your enemies: The Life-Sized Tim Yap Body Pillow


The “Be The First In Line On Any International Doughnut Shop” Privilege Card


Do you know someone who waits for an hour or more, just to get their hands on a box of that newly introduced international doughnut brand in the country? Don’t you wish there was a way for you to help them? Well, worry no more.

The “Be The First In Line On Any International Doughnut Shop” Privilege Card entitles the bearer to jump in front of the queue and immediately purchase that box of “oh so delicious” pastry. So as to retain the classiness of buying such pastries, the privilege card is deliberately colored gold and uses fancy, italicized fonts so as not to make the cardholder feel cheap about using such card.

Also available for your stingy friends who just want to take photos of themselves falling in line on such doughnut shops: The “Always Be The Last In Line On Any International Doughnut Shop


Taxi Passenger Safety Kit


Does your loved ones frequently take the taxi as a mode of transportation and you worry about their safety from various modus operandi of the drivers? Well worry no more!

The Taxi Passenger Safety Kit includes a gas mask (to protect you from chemical spray or fabric conditioner), portable electric fan (to deflect the fumes from the spray back to the driver), air horn (to alert others near your vicinity), pepper spray (to go on a minor offensive),  GPS tracking device (in case the bastard gets away) and a baseball bat (when push comes to shove).




For years, scientists have been working hard trying to combine the two most annoying things in the world. Now they’ve done it.

Introducing Selfigarette™. An electronic cigarette and selfie-taking miniature camera combined into one amazing product. When annoying your social networks with your duck face is not enough, annoy them even more with your duck face while smoking an e-cigarette.

Also available: Whole-Body Selfiegarette™ (w/ 25 inch E-cigarette shaft for those wide angled shots)


New Year Suit


Tired of telling your stubborn relatives to shy away from harmful firecrackers during New Year’s Eve? The New Year Suit lets you have a peace of mind during the revelry as you are sure that they will be protected in-case a firecracker misfires. The suit is red in color with polka-dotted design for those superstitious types and a free robotic toy claw to keep their merry making absolutely hands-free.

Also available: New Year Suit with Spring-loaded Boots (for those vertically challenged superstitious relatives)


Empty Brown Bag


Do you have that officemate who went gaga when McDonald’s brought back the McShaker Fries?

Show them how silly they were when you give them this empty brown bag with their favorite flavor (barbecue, cheese & sour cream), bought from Divisoria or Sulit by the bag included inside.

Also available: Cheese Singles for Jollibee Yum


Mudslinging for Dummies Book


Help your friends insult and berate their colleagues with this handy book. Learn new embarrassing words and scenarios to use against your enemy with insults pertaining to their manhood, grades in college, bathroom habits and woods used in the construction of their house; your rival will be at a loss for words after you’re done with your tirade.

Also available: Brain Wipe Helmet 3000 – When you want to undo what you said and you’re not a Senator.


SM Bonus Cookie Butter


Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter too expensive as a company give-away? Introducing, SM Bonus Cookie Butter: A deliciously unusual spread reminiscent of gingerbread and maybe made with crushed biscuit.Get the fancy taste, without the fancy tag price. 


Remember, Christmas is not about the gifts, shopping, carolling, decors, parties, etc. It’s about love. And 13th month pay.

Which gift idea above would you like to receive? Shout out with your comments below. Happy Holidays!


5 thoughts on “SWN’s Holiday Gift Guide 2013

  1. Nice one, SWN 🙂 The Ser Chief pillow would be the top-seller and the Taxi Passenger Safety Kit should become an actual product. Actually, SM Supermarket is selling that infamous peanut butter (sans the Bonus co-branding). P499 at SM Aura (if i’m not mistaken).

    • I think you are mistaken. You are referring to the SM Bonus PEANUT Butter, but this article has the COOKIE Butter version, and cookie butter is different from peanut butter (I have already tasted the former). Just wanna point it out because you may not be familiar with it.

  2. This is sooooo funny! …. spring loaded boots for the vertically challenged superstitious relatives, duck face with 25-inch selfiegarette, and I would imagine the baseball bat is retractable to fit inside the kit box?

    Thanks again for the laughs. I miss the rant comments though!

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