SAN FRANCISCO, California — Officials inside San Francisco International Airport detained and arrested Senator Jinggoy Estrada, after the lawmaker tried to get past customs while in possession of huge amounts of money.
Estrada, who came to San Francisco via a connecting flight from Hong Kong, was initially reported to accompany his wife to the United States, to seek a second opinion from US-based doctors for a lump in his wife’s breast.
But it turns out, his wife was not with him on the trip, and it was the senator instead who had a lump on his breast.
Airport authorities grew suspicious of the senator after they noticed him all sweaty, jumpy and saw a noticeable bulge on the upper-body-area of his clothes.
“We asked him what it was,” said SFIA Head of Security Trevor Philip Ogg. “The cocky son-of-a-bitch answered me by asking ‘don’t you know who I am?'”
“I said no, who the hell are you?” narrated Ogg.
Estrada apparently introduced himself as “THE sexy senator from the Philippines”, and that the bulge on his chest was the result of intense workout regimen he undertook months prior.
But when the senator sensed that Ogg was feeling sketchy with his response, Estrada flip-flopped and told him that he was seeking medical advice from US doctors for the said lumps.
That’s when airport officials decided to frisk him.
Ogg added, “When he took off his shirt, we saw rectangular lumps in-place of his muscles, an unusual sight that does not resemble the six-packs you see on TV.”
Upon closer inspection with the help of a scalpel, they discovered bundles of money hidden inside Estrada’s ‘muscles’ and skin, that the senator was trying to bring in to the country.
“We counted millions worth of Pesos that we suspect belongs to the Filipinos,” said Ogg.
He added, “Mr. Estrada is now visually far from sexy after we emptied his body of money after a full cavity search.”
Stay tuned to SWN for further developments.