Napoles Praying Next Typhoon Wouldn’t Remind Filipinos So Much About the Stuff She Apparently Stole

JanetLim-NapolesMANILA, Philippines — Implying that the Filipino people should just forget about the P10 billion pork barrel scam altogether; Janet Lim Napoles revealed in an exclusive interview that she has been praying hard and hoping that the next typhoon wouldn’t remind the Filipino people so much about the scandal that she’s recently embroiled in.

Ipinagdadasal ko sa Dyos na ano, na hindi na maulit ang delubyong ito (I pray to God that this deluge wouldn’t happen again),” said a teary-eyed Napoles.

Ang bigat kasi sa puso at damdamin ko na isinisisi sa akin itong ‘kwan, itong trahedya na nangyari, kaya hiling ko kay Papa Jesus na good news naman na sana (It deeply saddens me that they are blaming me for this tragedy that happened).”

According to her, saying that the ten billion pesos she “apparently” stole could’ve been spent on nationwide flood control projects isn’t making her life in hiding any easier.

At first, akala ko madadivert ang attention ng karamihan dahil sa sama ng panahon, pero nagkamali ako (At first I thought that people’s attention would be diverted due to the bad weather. Boy, was I wrong),” said Napoles, referring to tropical storm Maring that left 17 people dead (as of press time) in its path.

Napoles has been praying hard since Monday for good news to come that would hopefully uplift the Filipino spirit. But alas, recent developments has done nothing but aggravate the rage of the Filipinos against her.

Kung magkabagyo man, sana hindi kasing grabe katulad nito (If ever another typhoon should hit our country, I hope it’s not as devastating as this),” she reiterated.

Kasi lalo lang akong naaalala ng taong bayan kapag may nakikita silang baha, sirang kalye o tulay, nagibang paaralan, at kung anu-anong bagay pa, na naiwasan sana kung iginamit sa tama ang sampung bilyong piso (Because people remembers me more every time they see floods, damaged roads or bridges, collapsed schools, or other stuff that could’ve been avoided if the ten billion pesos was put to good use).”

She’s also hoping that the Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (PAGASA) wouldn’t use her surname as the name for the next typhoon to hit the country.

Naku [unintelligible], lalong tatatak sa isip ng tao ang pangalan ko kapag nangyari yun (Gosh [unintelligible], my name would resonate even more with the people when that happens).”

6 thoughts on “Napoles Praying Next Typhoon Wouldn’t Remind Filipinos So Much About the Stuff She Apparently Stole

  1. Papa Jesus ang namumutawi sa bibig mo, “BIGTIME PANDARAMBONG” ang kaso mo. Isoli mo muna lahat yan, at mangumpisal at saka mag-balik sa Panginoon! Mamuhay ng simpleng walang halong yabang. Yung anak mong modelo, pabalikin mo na sa lupa, akala nya REYNA SIYA! Eh galing sa nakaw kinakain nya!

    • Sit down, and take Nifedipine and some water, chill bro, we’re outraged, surely, but we can do this in a proper website, just not in this “news” site.

  2. hahaha! Napoles: “Kasi ano, yung kwan… (unintelligible)”

    Sumama na lang sa Aug. 26 March for Abolition of Pork Barrel Funds. Para hindi unintelligible ang boses ng bayan!

  3. talaga lng ha ,divert ha,mas malala pa sa bagyo ginawa mo,maraming pilipino nagugutom milyun milyon kesa 17 lng namatay,hintayin mo pa mas maraming mamamamatay sa gutom.

  4. Total outrage against her ia what she deserves. Masgnanakaw! The money she and her cohorts in government stole could have been used for flood control projects

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s