DOJ Releases New List Containing Absurd Stuff Owned by Napoles

MANILA, Philippines — After releasing a list containing vehicles owned by Janet Lim Napoles and family, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has released a new list, this time containing absurd items and possessions owned by Napoles.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima said the list was released to help motivate the Filipinos to participate in the manhunt of Janet Lim Napoles, the alleged brains behind the multi-billion scam involving the P900M Malampaya Fund scandal and the Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) of lawmakers and .

This after the De Lima urged the public to carry out a “citizen’s arrest” of the fugitive, yesterday.

doj_napoles_new_list

“If citizens were hesitant to carry out an arrest themselves yesterday,” explained De Lima, “I’m pretty sure this new list would enrage them even more into motivating them to capture her once and for all.”

According to De Lima, agents of the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) are undermanned to track down all the whereabouts of Napoles’ vehicles.

“That is why we are asking the public’s help in finding her, because after all, it is YOUR money that is being stolen.”

Jayson Oh, a resident of Manila, said that he is now more determined to track Napoles and her brother down, after reading the newly released list.

Ang ikinatatakot ko lang is paano kung agawin nya ang baril ko? ‘Di ba uso yan dito sa Manila?” said Oh.

Other Filipinos are not as optimistic as Jayson, saying that if the likes of Ramona Revilla and Cesar Mancao eluded the NBI before, what more to a person who has amassed a huge amount of money, and is possibly being coddled by corrupt lawmakers.

Stay tuned for further developments.

189 thoughts on “DOJ Releases New List Containing Absurd Stuff Owned by Napoles

  1. We are not interested with what other absurd things Napoles owns (10B passing thru her is more that enough absurdity already), , What is interesting is where these money is intended to go. . There will be spinning and other collective mind-controlling here. . but Filipino intellegensia wants to know the brains in this ingenious systemic scheme

  2. Rare diamond encrusted Apple iPhone running Android OS + Internet connection without “fair usage policy”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Epic win!

  3. Rare diamond encrusted Apple iPhone running Android OS. + Internet connection without “Fair-Usage Policy” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Livin’ the life!

  4. It will better if you could add “10 Gbps” in the internet connection. that would blow my mind!!

  5. I HEARD FROM ONE OF T HE WHISTLE BLOWERS THAT SHE ALSO HAS SEVERAL PHOTO ALBUMS OF PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES WITH HER AND PINOY MALE CELEBRITIES HER FAVORITE IS HAYDEN KHO THERE MUST BE KINSHIP SOMEWHERE

  6. I think SOME people didn’t read the SATIRICAL part of “What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.”
    :))) really funny, though. the sad thing is the truth is just as absurd

  7. Hindi na alam ng mga tao kung sino paniniwalaan sa mga opisyal ng gobyerno. Di na alam kung sino nagsasabi ng totoo. Sino niloloko niyo? Nung lumalabas pa si Napoles sa TV at nag papainterview pa sa media, bakit hindi niyo nilabas ang mga yan at hindi niyo binilisan ang pag process ng arrest orders sakanya para mahuli siya maimbistigahan agad. Ngayong nakatakas na at nagtatago na siya tsaka niyo kunyari hahanapin na humihingi pa kayo ng tulong sa taong bayan. Sabi nga marami siya koneksyon sa matataas na opisyal ng gobyerno, hindi malabong pina delay lang arrest order sakanya para mabigyan siya ng pagkakataon para tumakas

  8. What’s frightening now is that those corrupt politicians implicated in the P10 billion scam might have issued their own wanted dead or alive marching orders.or worst scenario, they might have already kidnapped the Napoles siblings.

  9. It sounds exaggerated…and intended to make us angry so that we will join the mob in finding her. What I am angry about is why the authorities didn’t put her into custody once the announcement about her involvement in the pork (oink) barrel scam came out? Why are they too slow in catching people, announcing what they plan to do to the media – naturally, this will prompt the guilty to run and hide; why should they wait to be arrested? Now the authorities want us to help them find the crooks? You should have acted with more determination from the start! That is one reason why many crooks are able to escape and hide in places like the U.S…..because we are too slow!!!

    • Vivian, this is a fake news article for entertainment, the entire website is intended to lampoon current events. Ang dami daming Pilipino na ingles ng ingles hindi naman naiintindihan binabasa.

    • ang “intended” ng article nito ay para palutangin ang mga tangang katulad mo na di nakakaintindi kung ano ang satire para mapagtawanan ng internets.

  10. THIS IS HILARIOUS!! But what’s more hilarious is some people actually believe this. Personal Orchestra That Plays Every time The Door Bell Is Pressed.. really??

  11. I understand that this article was meant to make us all laugh. Don’t get me wrong, natawa ako. But I’m not too sure other people may see it that way and actually look for her at all costs, and take matters into their own hands.

  12. Just a tip; always look up the website before reacting to its articles… pero gusto ko yung servants dressed as minions. Hahahahahahahahaha

  13. i have new idea in napoles stuff..i want a slipper cover with 24k gold…or 18 karats gold…if i can afford to buy here n DUBAI i will try ….lolssss

  14. HAHAHA Professor Kean Bean on her payroll. LOL Rosie the Robot, too! So Whats News is definitely a huge fan of Cartoon Network especially Richie Rich and The Jetsons.😀

  15. hahaha natawa ako dun sa doorbell…..i also like the maids in minions uniform…..kaya pala ubos lage ang cookie butter hehe…..can i have one google glass……gusto ko din ng world class photographer pang selfie nyahaha

  16. Bakit hindi isama agad mga senators at congressman na involve sa warrant?dummy lang yan si napoles.ang tatanga naman ng mga legislators na yun para di nila malaman na fake yung pingpopondohan nila…60-40 siguro bigayan dun?sana magkaroon din ako ng katulong na minions..

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  18. wow, dapat kasi di naka announce kung kelan huhulihin, damputin agad, patawa, binigyan nyo lang ng tsansa na makalayas, parang taguan ng bata lang pala ang panghuhuli sa Pinas, “andito na ko, mapupung din kita” ngek! ano ba yan? so lame😦

  19. With nuclear-powered sub, Augusta helicopter, Gulfstream jet and a fleet of cars—she has sea, air and land assets to elude government arrest.

  20. dami kong tawa sa 27, hayayay…. sana may parusa, pag nahuli siya tas iharap sa publiko at batuhin ng langka sa mukha

  21. Just askin’ if they have accumulated these much just imagine the politician whom they dummy!!!! Incredible this is how our govt. made our country collapse to the ground…pitiful my country!!!!

  22. funny satirical view. but sad, because this is the only best thing we can do, to ridicule a scammer. taxpayers cannot even fight back.

  23. kinurakot pera ng bayan….. number one na talaga ang pinas… wala talaga katapusan… ultimo mo barangay tanod may kurakot hehehehehe

  24. half the comments here are wasted on reminding a lot of people that this piece is satirical. may i suggest you put a disclaimer ON EVERY POST?

    • I don’t know if you’re making fun of the notion Napoles buying a nuclear powered submarine or a nuclear submarine in itself.:/

  25. Gawa gawa lang nila De Lima yan, trial by publicity ika nga, eh daming mga Corrupt politicians na mas alam ng taong bayan, wala naman nangyayari sa mga kaso nila, mga private citizens at mga kontra lang na politiko mga tinitira nyo, kayo ang Bulok mga nasa Gobierno, kayo mga kurakot, anong matuwid na daan, karamihan sa inyo corrupt din, ang lalaki ng mga PDAF ng mga Abad sa Batanes ang liit naman ng probinsya, yan CCT ng DSWD, saan na mga pera, common guys di kami mga bobo, dapat yan Trillion budget for 2014 ang bantayan, grabe for the history ng Pilipinas, ngayon ang pinakamaling budget ang ibibigay sa mga tongressman, ano yan, liligawan sila para sa 2016 election…kawawa naman si Napoles, pinagkakaisahan ng mga tunay na salarin,…

  26. hay, Anu na mangyayare sa Pinas? kwento sa akin dati, panahon ni Marcos, kahit ganon ung pagpapalakad nia eh mayaman ang Pinas ngayon eh “NGANGA” tayong lahat. Lagi na lang tayo nagrereklamo pero walang nangyayare. After ilang buwan, tapon an ng ibang issue itong pork barrel scam. Tama ung isang comment diyan, madaming kurakot na opisyal pero walang ginagawa para mapatalsik sila, tinitira lang ung mga private citizens.

  27. Well for one who’s maneuvered over 10 Billion pesos in a span of years (it took us years to catch her unfortunately), she isn’t very smart at keeping her stolen assets hidden.

  28. Yung crocodile skin umbrella, sinong buwaya sa gobyerno kaya ang inialay nila para panangga sa ulan ni Napoles? Nyahahaha.

  29. ngayon nanakawan na tsaka nyo hinahanap nung ginagawa ung krimen wala man lang nakatunog. wag nyo ng hanapin kasi lumalabas lang na tatanga tanga kayo

  30. delima wag kanang mag maaang-mangan pa you are just like as your amo is panot panot panot halataaaaaaaaaq kayaoooooo

  31. seemingly, not even bill gates, warren buffet, the taipans, and the whole caboodle of them combined can so much belong in the league of imelda marcos, and now janet napoles. philippines pride. by the way, leila de lima failed to divulge that every member of the pnp is under the payroll of janet napoles

  32. maku2long c napoleS S ILLEGAL DETENTION hndi s kasong SCAM. panahon ni Marcos kinakatakutan tyo ng ibng bansa dhl s mga armas ng Arm Forces ngayon tinatawanan n lng tyo.

  33. What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below. <— some of you guys don't get the word SATIRICAL, do you? :))

  34. the point is mghananakaw pa rin sya!!! kahit ano explanation nyo, kahit bali balktarin nyo man, mgananakaw pa rin sya!! at dapat sa knya mamatay!! mamatay!!!

  35. kami mga empleyado ngpapakahirap mgtrabaho at ang laki laki ng mga taxes na kinakaltas sa sweldo, i am single with 1 child dependent, pero ang kinukuha saking tax ay 32%!!! imagine!!! ang take home ko ay 68% nalang!!!! now you might understand kung bakit ang gusto ko mangyarin sa punyeta at lintek na babaeng to ay mamatay!!! KILL!!! KILL!!! KILL!!! KILL HER!!!!

  36. Pingback: DOJ releases list of Napoles cars, asks for public to call in (report) | Motioncars

  37. Guys you do realize what this website is all about right? ever heard of “the onion news network”.. loved the personal orchestra playing when the doorbell sounds hahaha

  38. I think dapat may disclaimer sa itaas, malapit sa title, kasi madaming nagagalit pero di naman talaga alam yung binabasa. So funny they act so intelligent but they just end up making themselves look funny.

  39. Eto na yung katapusan ng panloloko mo. Puno na ang salop dapat kalusin na. Magsisi ka na kalasanan mo at ibalik ang pera ng gobyerno…

  40. Call center agents answers their personal calls. They make jobs naman pala eh. Call centa agents. Smellmaster 9000 – what she busy smellin?

  41. mapasenado or mapastreetswepper man lahat may business dyan……lahat ng ipinalabas ng DOJ business yan……o di yang pinalabas na mga gamit ni napoles magkabusiness na sila nyan hahahahah…..kakahiya naman nililihis ang puntong issue….dapat yong me ari ang hulihin hindi yung mga gamit…kulilat justice natin….dguro nakipagdeal or no deal na si napoles dyan…..ginagawa tayong tanga,,,

  42. Winner! Natawa ako talaga sa article, pero mas natawa ako sa mga reactions ng taong-bayan! Kaya pala tayo nasa ganitong sitwasyon, ang daling lokohin ng mga tao, hindi muna nagbabasa o nag-iisip bago mag-react. Kaya siguro ganyan ang mga politicians natin, naniniwala kayo sa lahat ng sinasabi nila kahit obvious namang niloloko lang kayo!

  43. Let’s be serious in our quest to help DOJ, arrest napoles et al,….afterall, many of us suffered, under extreme poverty, and hunger, most of us, are, either unemployed or underemployed, while, these demons, have been making mockery of our miserable lives,and maybe, at least, the poor shall share the loot,once,recovered, or a reward will be awarded to the successful bounty hunter.

  44. Let’s be serious in our quest to help DOJ, arrest napoles et al,….afterall, many of us suffered, under extreme poverty, and hunger, most of us, are, either unemployed or underemployed, while, these demons, have been making mockery of our miserable lives,and maybe, at least, the poor shall share the loot,once,recovered, or a reward will be awarded to the successful bounty hunter.

  45. The truth is …. SHE IS BEING USED BY truly CORRUPT AND POWERFUL GOVERNMENT PEOPLE period … she could not pull it on her own … kamukha nang congressman na 3billion ang dinali sa pork barrel!!!.. for #ucksake!!!.. scapegoat .. diba?…sino ang nagmaniobra nun??.. yun ang dapat habulin.. sobrang tanga naman ng pamahalaan kung nawala na yung pera ng bayan bago mabisto … surely maraming kasbwat dun.

  46. Hindi nakakatawa, meron ngang mga tanga dyan harry freires, amos, marilousyj, jc(nagmura pa), etc… why can’t you understand that THIS IS PURELY SATIRICAL?? Ang OOGAGS nyo, get back to school kasi if I were your teacher, sigurado BAGSAK kayo agad!

  47. HERE’S A CAPTION I QUOTE. …somehow very near to TRUTH

    Their wealth started to build up during the late 90′s when they engaged themselves with mayors based in zamboanga to use them as a front for a Foundation that will implement projects or deliver farm materials. With connections at COA, they were able to arrange “completed projects” without delivering anything. They established JLN group of companies sometime in 2000 and they moved to their new office from AFPOVAI to Discovery Suites on the 25th floor.

    Soon enough, they were able to develop deep connections with more legislators in congress and numerous senators. What JLN Group Of Companies do and their sub-companie, Jo-Chris Trading (named after their eldest child, Jo-Christine “Neneng” Napoles) – they use their foundations as the implementing agency for the funds of congressmen or senators. You see, congressmen and senators have budget, PDAF or the “pork barrel”, but these politicians do not have direct access to their funds and they can never touch it. So what they do is the politicians will create a project (common one is “fertilizer distribution” to farmers) and will ask DBM to set the budget. Then, there will be a public bidding to be held by DAR. The outcome of the bidding is already fixed and it’s Napoles foundation wins. The fund or SARO will be released through Janet’s foundation and the congressmen/senators will ask 70% of the whole amount. So if the project is 10M, Janet will give 70% of that. Usually Janet’s nephew, John Francisco Lim is the courier of the money, they will meet at Podium or at a parking lot. The money are stored in plastic bags or paper bags.

    So, whatever is left from the budget, 30% goes to Janet. They usually cash-in the cheque they get from DBM at Landbank in Greenhills and the manager there is part of Janet’s payroll. Janet also need to pay the inspectors from COA and whoever is involved in DAR.

    This is their workflow.This is what they do for more than a decade. This is how the senators and congressmen make money. This is why theses politicians have so much and working class filipinos almost have nothing. This is not only Janet’s fault. The greediness of the senators and congressmen are the driving point that keeps this system operating. It is also amazing that if Janet’s family and her company goes into trial, the people who will try them – judges, senators, congressmen, are also part of this. I fear for the life of Benhur and Merlina as whistleblowers. Soon enough they will die. The people of the philippines should protect them. NBI or the witness protection program cannot do anything about it. Because they are keeping the whistleblowers alive for their own use only. Once Janet give payments to the NBI and once Revilla, Honasan, Arroyo, Pichay, Ducut, Pineda, Lim, Estrada, Soto, Lapid, and almost all the congressmen who were in post for the past decade, step in – there’s nothing benhur or merlina can do. They are as good as dead by now.

  48. Let’s add our own outrageous item on the list: customized Airbus 380 private plane with heated swimming pool and dancing male models.

    Exotic food in the fridge: elephant testicles as aphrodisiacs, amazon poisonous frog legs for mind-bending experience and and piranha fish fillet for building up courage to face sleepless nights on the runinc and forthcoming incarceration.

  49. And then again, a lot of fellow Filipinos think of this article as FACT when it is a wonderfully written piece of SATIRE.

    Idiots. More fun in the Philippines.

  50. Shocking discovery!!!!!!!!….ilan pa kayang Pilipino ang tulad ni Napoles? PNOY you should do something about it positively..It will justify your “TUWID NA DAAN” …If not Pilipino people will be depleted….plssss PNOY..go..go…go…sana hende masayang hope namin about tuwid na daan….

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  52. maka “masa” nga eh… who knows the “shit” terms o kung anu-ano pang brands na minention nila sa taas kundi ang mayayaman? ang iba nga kung di ko pa ginoogle eh di ko marelate… baka kung sinabi pa nila jan na lahat ng pangingikil sa divisoria ay hawak ni napoles eh makakarelate pa ang tao… how mean… how would most people of RP (considered poor and ignorant) would bother or care jan sa “manhunt” na yan…? bakit napakabobo ng tingin nila sa “masa”? ouch! kapag poor ka, victim ka. sige na nga, kunwari bulag pipi at bingi nalang ako. hay buhay sa pinas nga naman oh!

  53. Ilabas at pangalanan na din ang mga epal na politikong nakipag kutsabahan kay Nafoolish, pati na mga ahensyang nakipag ugnayan sa kanya sa pagnanakaw ng kaban ng bayan, parusahan sila at ikulong, pagdusahan nila ang mga pagnanakaw na ginawa nila, hindi na ba sila naawa sa mga taong bayan na isag kahig isang tuka at pilit pa ring nagbabayad ng buwis sa pamahalaan tapos kukurakutin lang ng mga inihalal at pinagkatiwalaang politico,,,, hayyyyyyyy, nagtitiis akong malayo sa pamilya ko naghahanapbuhay sa ibayong dagat tapos sila ay nagpapakasasa sa mga perang hindi nila pinaghirapan. Mahiya naman kayo mga kurap na politico.

  54. The sooner this Fat Ugly Pig Crook is caught the better. The Death Penalty should be mandatory for any crook politician found guilty of Graft, Theft or Corruption of the Philippine
    Nation. As long as these crooks know that nothing will happen to them they will keep stealing.

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  57. Pingback: So What’s Satire? | Juan Malaya

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