LONDON, England — Just days after Prince William’s wife Kate gave birth to their firstborn son on Monday, an Anti-Reproductive Health Law group in Manila is already prodding the royal couple to get back to bed and start making another baby.
Last Tuesday, Anti-RH advocacy group Semilya Higit pa sa Ilaw ng Tahanan (SHIT) led by Ambot Mejases personally called Prince William to persuade him into immediately bringing home the Duchess of Cambridge and start copulating in order for the Prince to impregnate his wife again.
“I just got off the blower (telephone) with my Nana informing her the gender of our baby when this bloke from the Philippines called me,” narrated Prince William. “He was literally shouting, telling me to go back home and ‘have some sex (sic)'”.
Prince William tried to reason with Mejases over the phone, saying that what he was suggesting would be detrimental to his wife’s health.
At that point, Mejases apparently passed the telephone to a certain Attorney Libugan, who told the prince that whatever harm it may cause to his wife wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”
“I was like, what in bloody hell is this fucktard smoking?!” said the Prince. “Naturally, I told the gob-shite wankstein twat to bugger off right then and there!”
The Prince’s wife was apparently scared to death because Libugan threatened them with excommunication and whatnot if they will not follow the word of the Lord.
“He told us that if we were really practicing Catholics, we wouldn’t disobey these deeply held beliefs,” said Kate Middleton, who described the two men on the telephone as “randy hobknockers who sounded like they don’t know the difference between a fanny and a plonker.”
“First of all we’re not even Catholics, let alone the ‘practicing’ kind!” clarified the Prince. “We’re Anglicans of the Church of England. They sounded like their religion rules the world!”
“I told them that what happens inside the royal bedroom is none of their business,” added the Duchess of Cambridge, to which Libugan quipped, “Only the government is off-limits to anything inside the bedroom.”
At that point the royal couple had enough and hanged-up the telephone, as they were schedule to make an appearance outside the St. Mary’s Hospital together with their newborn baby.