Filipino Politicians Announces Presidential Bid to Downplay Future Corruption Allegations

PDAFMANILA, Philippines — In an unprecedented event not yet seen in the Philippines, nor the entire world; each and every single politician in the country expressed their desire to run for the highest position in the land.

In a joint statement released to the media by the Samahan ng mga Senador, Alkalde, Congressman at Konsehal para sa Ikauunlad ng Mamamayan (SSACKIM), together with the Greater Responsibility for the Equal Empowerment of DemocracY (GREEDY) and the BAStion of Trust, Accountability and Respect for a Democratic Society (BASTARDS); its members composed of all elected officials in the country, expressed their desire to run for President in the 2016 election.

“It is a calling for a higher purpose of public service,” said SSACKIM president and newly elected Mayor of Baleno, Masbate Romy Dela Rosa.

“It is also a convenient way of downplaying any allegations of corruption or scandal that may come up now or in the near future,” said GREEDY  co-chairman Edward Chongbian.

All of them acknowledges the fact that when one expresses desire to run for president, he or she cannot be accused of any wrongdoing whatsoever, based on the logic that any allegations, insinuations of irregularity can be labeled as a “demolition job” against him or her.

“Being high on popularity surveys and year-end box office also helps,” said Senator Bong Revilla, who is not new to so-called “demolition jobs“.

BASTARDS member Senator Bongbong Marcos says that he is still optimistic (full story)  in spite of the allegations hurled against him.

But for Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa, life couldn’t get any easier.

“I didn’t even have to lift a finger, let alone defend myself,” referring to the statement made by Department of Justice secretary Leila de Lima.

Pero just in case ilaglag ako ni Sec, mapipilitan akong tumakbong pagkapresidente,” he quipped.

Even President Benigno Aquino III, who already holds the highest office in the land, bared his plan to run for President of the United States of America as an independent after his term ends just in case someone digs up some dirt on his “daang matuwid“.

The president is expected to make the formal announcement in his upcoming State of the Nation Address (SONA).


4 thoughts on “Filipino Politicians Announces Presidential Bid to Downplay Future Corruption Allegations

  1. Fun with acronyms…

    Reminds me of my “dream” school organization named Society of Honorable Information Technology Students.

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s