Survey: 94% of Informal Settlers Were Actually Silver-Spoon-Fed Spoiled Brats During Their Childhood Years

riot_squatterMANILA, Philippines — A survey conducted by Sosyal Weather Stations (SWS) revealed that 94% of informal settlers currently living in and around Metro Manila have, in actuality, childhood years filled with luxury and comfort, before taking that huge leap into becoming what they are today.

Out of the 76,000 respondents, 94% or 71,440 families felt entitled to be given free housing, as well as living allowance and transportation allowance that they sorely missed during their childhood years when life felt like it was running on butter.

“Gone are the days when we could just cry and scream our heads off to get what we want,” said Rogelio Dimagiba in fluent English. “Now we have to use rocks, glass shards and molotov cocktails to get our message across!”

Pepe Lapiw, another informal settler, wants the government’s assurance that their relocation sites have access to cable TV.

“What I’m scared off is the reality that when we do agree to be relocated, I will no longer be able to watch my favorite shows on C-Span, BBC and History Channel,” he said. “Baka pagsisihan ko pa.”

“And don’t forget Disney Channel and Nick Jr. for our kids!” added his wife, Penelope.

Neighbors of Pepe and Penelope are also complaining as to why they must be arrested when they throw rocks and other dangerous debris carelessly at authorities causing injuries in the process.

“It is our way of expressing our sentiments, why must we be arrested for this?!” said a squatter who covered up his face while expressing his sentiments.

In an interview, Tektek Espatio, a resident of Agham Road,  said that they  believed that when they moved-in, the land was public:  “Matagal na kami dito sa lugar na ito. Ang alam namin dito, nang tumira kami ay public itong lugar na ito.

She went on to enumerate other things that she believed in, namely:

  • If a person illegally settles on a land for a very long time, they are entitled to the said land already. First dibs rule applies.
  • Informal settlers are free to illegally tap the water lines for their consumption.
  • Same goes for electricity.
  • During demolition protests, they are entitled to hurt the authorities trying to uphold peace and order because the police have no human rights. Only them.
  • However illegal their stay is on a specified land, it is inhumane to relocate them to a legally specified location that has much better living conditions than the one they are being driven away from.
  • The government must provide everything for them, namely: housing, livelihood, education, pocket money, living room showcase, bedroom showcase, possibly a car, wardrobe showcase, full cosmetic makeover from Belo Medical and a jacket. Everything but the kitchen sink; because they said so.
  • That a 30-day deadline should be ignored and their right to set up barricades on busy a thoroughfare on the day after the deadline is justified.

“We have lived such luxurious lives during our childhood in the province, where our elders gave us everything that we want,” said Espatio. “We decided to move to the city and live in such poor state, I think the government owes us whatever it is that we demand!”

The government is currently looking for relocation sites that would be up-to par with the high standard of living for these silver-spoon-fed spoiled brats that are humanely called as informal settlers or as Google calls them, squatters.


27 thoughts on “Survey: 94% of Informal Settlers Were Actually Silver-Spoon-Fed Spoiled Brats During Their Childhood Years

  1. Well well well….there is news today that informal settlers and sidewalk vendors in Manila were giving Php100 pesos a day to the police so that they can continue with their trade from where they are. Say for example 20,000 individuals contribute this amount to the police that keeps the money in their pockets..that is Php56,000,000 million pesos a month or Php672,000,000 million a year lost to the local government. Just imagine what you can do with that money to build houses for the poor informal settlers and sidewalk vendors..and that is only base on 20,000 people. The trouble is that both the local government and the squatters do not know their PRIORITIES. So WAKE-UP and start using your grey matter for once.

  2. If you really want to help! Find those legitimate among’s the non, i myself is living in a squatters area i’m a graduate but i’m as poor as f*** i can’t find a job because i’m over age, we don’t want to live here, we don’t have a living in the province. Sort out all squatters give support no no HELP and CHARITY to those really needs it!

  3. Good to see the tabloid nature of the thinking of the educated here. Poor piece frankly and you get bad attitudes in all groups but why believe this is the voice of the many. Such fine critics are the privileged too.

  4. Katawa naman to mga to, ganito din siguro sasabihin nung mga squatters sa property namin sa Quezon City pag pinaalis na sila.

  5. That is sad. They ought to have stayed in the province in relative comfort instead of migrating to the city to live in Squalor. I do believe that what they demand is not something that ought to be given lightly. Best to relocate them elsewhere but the city where they can have a comfortable lifestyle with a job or a source of income that is not dependent on dole outs from the government. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him how to fish and he can eat for a lifetime. What these illegal settlers need to do is to learn how to fend for themselves not on what they hope the government and private citizens can provide.

  6. This satire actually hits where it really is. It could not be further from the truth except some minor details being that squatters can speak english but they have lousy grammar and would not want anyone to correct them and bring out their insecurity.

    They also like to talk about how hard their life is in the city and why the middle class should cut them some slack and all those entitlement traits. Calling them out about the ethics of what they are doing will only get you a tongue lashing.

    I actually shook my head reading this satire and at the same time it makes me fume with anger knowing that this is exactly what these people are. No one could have said it better. This is real news.

    Oh by the way there are squatters close to our house and there has been a trend of burglaries everywhere. Before there were no squatters but they all suddenly started sprouting around like mushrooms.

    Oh by the way, most of them organize themselves for their benefit that includes gangs and criminal syndicates. You decide.

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