Mar Roxas Resigns as DILG Secretary to Become Ayala Land Brand Ambassador

MAKATI, Philippines — Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) secretary Mar Roxas has just announced his resignation effective immediately and hoped that the public would understand his decision to join the private sector.

“It is with deep sadness for me to announce my immediate and irrevocable resignation as secretary of the DILG,” said a teary-eyed Roxas. “I have already informed the President of my decision and he politely accepted.”

“I will join the private sector as a ‘Brand Ambassador’ for Ayala Land,” he revealed.

According to the press release of Ayala Land Inc (ALI), “it was about time Mar Roxas join the Ayala Land family.”

“People always see him on TV defending our company’s image, even going out of his way to say that we are not yet liable for what happened,” said ALI spokesman Jim Sags.

“And unofficially at that.”

ayala_marThat is why the company decided to offer him a job as their endorser, to which Roxas immediately accepted.

According to Sags, Roxas would still appear on TV periodically to update the masses on the ongoing investigation, but will now do it as an official voice of the property developer.

“We’re expecting Roxas to clear our company, both Ayala Land and Bonifacio Gas, of any wrongdoings with regards to the Serendra blast,” added Sags.

Mar agreed, saying, “Ayala properties are among the most safest place a person could ever be. In fact, you can leave a group of toddlers in one of their residential units filled with expensive china, a leaking LPG, boxes of nails and a few light switches within the kids’ reach and nothing will happen.”

He did reiterate that someone will be held liable for the explosion.

“Just not Ayala,” he said. “Maybe somebody else.”

“In fact, we’re going to file charges against the electrician who installed the light switch that caused the explosion in the first place.”

According to Roxas, even if the gas was leaking for a whole month, an explosion would never have occurred if not for the switch that triggered it.

“We’re obviously on to something here and authorities are currently determining the electrician’s location who is believed to be in hiding.”

Other ‘person of interest’ besides the electrician are the maintenance staff, janitor or the guy who forgot to put mercaptan gas to the Liquefied Petroleum Gas (LPG) mix.

For the mean time, Roxas reminded the Filipino people to contact him personally for any property investment or residential needs that one may have.

42 thoughts on “Mar Roxas Resigns as DILG Secretary to Become Ayala Land Brand Ambassador

    • ang mayaman ay para sa mayaman. lumabas din ang totoong kulay mo mr. palengke. sayang ang boto ko sayo noon. kung di mo kayang maging DILG secretary, okey lang siguro magresign at maghanap ng ibang trabaho. pero ang magresign at kumampi sa mayaman, wow! iba ka toto mar. tani indi ka na lang ilonggo. malahuluya man sa aton tribu.

  1. Pingback: Mar Roxas Quits DILG Post

  2. “Other ‘person of interest’ besides the electrician are the maintenance staff, janitor or the guy who forgot to put mercaptan gas to the Liquefied Petroleum Gas (LPG) mix.” HaHaHa! Kalokah kasi ganito talaga sa tutoong buhay di ba? Walang kasalanan ang kumpanya, yung mga maliit na trabahador ang may sala, halahhhh!! WAPAK!

    Kala ko tutoo na eh. Kasi baka may nakapagsabi sa kanya na maraming nakakahalata na panggulo lang sha sa investigation, kasi imbes na sabihin at maireport na agad sa public ng mga chief of police at investigating agencies, kailangan ibigay sa kanya ung script para sya ang “mag-announce” sa tv. Cause of delay na naman in the disservice of the filipino people. Makapagkape na nga lang Lol!

  3. “In fact, we’re going to file charges against the electrician who installed the light switch that caused the explosion in the first place. even if the gas was leaking for a whole month, an explosion would never have occurred if not for the switch that triggered it.”

    what?!! amp! ok lang magkaroon ng gas leak basta wag io-on ang switch.. san ba nag-aral to at hindi ko pag-aaralin ang anak ko dun!

  4. To get a good price, Mar should start a bidding war between the Ayalas (Serendra) and the Lopezes (West Tower). The former is still fresh and unanswered, but the latter is also unresolved since 2010, with the Bangkal residents thinking of using their contaminated estero water as cooking fuel after West Tower had their own gas leak.

  5. It’s not far fetched that this will happen in real life, eversince Mar Roxas has been a defender of the moneyed and is only protecting his family’s assets and interest. It’s not something new!!!

  6. That certain people, despite your all too obvious declaration that this is a SATIRICAL website, still react as if it’s real news.

    Wait, you’re not a a real news website disguising as a satirical one to throw us off, are you?

  7. Articles here never fail to entertain me but what truly amuse me are readers’ comments in each and every article.😀

  8. In other news, Mar just announced the end of SM Cubao’s lease. The property will be replaced by a Rustan’s, and will feature a large Starbucks and a Stores Specialists, Inc. outlet store on the ground floor. “The Tantocos are really good friends of mine,” Roxas said. “The end of the SM lease was part of the redevelopment plan all along; it was why we were able to get the Tantocos to give up their Rustan’s space in the middle.”

    In a disclosure to the PSE, SM acknowledged the closure of its SM Cubao branch, noting difficulties with their contractual labor.

    However, SM noted that it is using the opportunity to move to the old COD building, but will be employing real people instead of moving mannequins to display the latest fashions. “They’ll move just like the mannequins. It’s just so much easier to make a contractual employee do what you want. Robots are all so complicated,” said the company.

    SM also announced it was premiering its new 7D IMAX theaters, which featured recently at SM Aura. The new theaters allow movie patrons to experience falling water within the cinema, without opening the ceiling. “We used stunning new technology that allows rain water to pass through,” said R. Tamulmul, SM’s chief engineer for the 7D project.:P

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  10. He finds himself not suitable for the task given by the president to him, that was a good action of being true but going to private sector is a different story compared to public service, i can say,what purpose of him ran as president candidate before if he aimed a public service and that engulfed assorted hard challenges but he suddenly quit of being a Sec DILG,how bout if he won the vice presidential election?how will he handle the challenges….hahahaha.much better for you Mr Mar Roxas not to be involved in politics cuz i will NEVER vote of you at all.NEVER.

  11. What a dumb head!!!! Even a child knew that a gas leakages in a room will explode and can be triggered by a ring of any cell phone… Or a focused direct sunlight to the room…. Bobo talaga

  12. Buti nalang maaga pa nalalaman natin na kaya niyang ipagpalit ang bayan sa mas magandang kunabukasan nya sa ilalim ng Ayala Land Inc., Buti nalang di niloko ang bayan ni Mr. Palingke at maaga pa sinabi na na di niya kayang maglingkod sa bayan, sa pribadong pamilya lang siya puedi dahil sa kikitain nya para sa pangarap di nila. Buti nalang at di siya nanalo as vice president kasi iiwanan lang din nya ang puesto pag may ganitong offer sa kanya.

  13. It’s very sad that little people get the blame and big company like the Ayala’s who are pure Spaniards get away with crimes against humanity ever since they re-discover the Islands almost five hundred years ago.

  14. a sadder thought is when people who keeps on telling you its just a satire, don’t realize that, despite of it being a satirical article, the author is basing it on factual news/issue and is just adding a twist on it.

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