MAKATI, Philippines — Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) secretary Mar Roxas has just announced his resignation effective immediately and hoped that the public would understand his decision to join the private sector.
“It is with deep sadness for me to announce my immediate and irrevocable resignation as secretary of the DILG,” said a teary-eyed Roxas. “I have already informed the President of my decision and he politely accepted.”
“I will join the private sector as a ‘Brand Ambassador’ for Ayala Land,” he revealed.
According to the press release of Ayala Land Inc (ALI), “it was about time Mar Roxas join the Ayala Land family.”
“People always see him on TV defending our company’s image, even going out of his way to say that we are not yet liable for what happened,” said ALI spokesman Jim Sags.
“And unofficially at that.”
According to Sags, Roxas would still appear on TV periodically to update the masses on the ongoing investigation, but will now do it as an official voice of the property developer.
“We’re expecting Roxas to clear our company, both Ayala Land and Bonifacio Gas, of any wrongdoings with regards to the Serendra blast,” added Sags.
Mar agreed, saying, “Ayala properties are among the most safest place a person could ever be. In fact, you can leave a group of toddlers in one of their residential units filled with expensive china, a leaking LPG, boxes of nails and a few light switches within the kids’ reach and nothing will happen.”
He did reiterate that someone will be held liable for the explosion.
“Just not Ayala,” he said. “Maybe somebody else.”
“In fact, we’re going to file charges against the electrician who installed the light switch that caused the explosion in the first place.”
According to Roxas, even if the gas was leaking for a whole month, an explosion would never have occurred if not for the switch that triggered it.
“We’re obviously on to something here and authorities are currently determining the electrician’s location who is believed to be in hiding.”
Other ‘person of interest’ besides the electrician are the maintenance staff, janitor or the guy who forgot to put mercaptan gas to the Liquefied Petroleum Gas (LPG) mix.
For the mean time, Roxas reminded the Filipino people to contact him personally for any property investment or residential needs that one may have.