Cebu Pacific Announces “Centavo Fare Promo” to Win Back Public’s Trust

MANILA, Philippines — Cebu Pacific president and chief executive officer Glance Lokongwei on Monday night announced their company’s latest promo after personally apologizing for the mishap at the F. Bangoy International Airport in Davao City Sunday night that prompted the closure of the runway, affecting various flights from different airlines in the process.

“It’s very unfortunate,” said Lokongwei in an interview. “But we learned our lesson and we must move on.”

“I’d like to congratulate the professionalism of our crew in waiting a whole 27 minutes before deploying the inflatable slide and thus ensuring that all passengers safe.”

It would’ve cost the company a huge amount of money if the inflatable slide was deployed prematurely without checking all possible exits according to him.

“Our crew had to check if it was possible for the passengers to exit through the window,” explained Lokongwei. “They were even ready to saw-off the floors wag lang gamitin yung safety slide.”

He added that the company will cooperate with the Civil Aviation Authority of the Philippines (CAAP) with their investigation to find out whether it was a mechanical or a pilot error.

cebpac_promoAs for gaining back the public’s trust as well as a response to Ateneo de Davao’s boycott, Lokongwei revealed their company’s latest promo: Centavo Fares.

“We believe it’s about time that every Juan flies,” said Cebu Pacific marketing head Pristine Kanlaqui. “And we mean every Juan.”

“We are proud to offer our same crappy customer service, our same emergency response behavior, and the same overpriced on-board instant noodles for 99 centavo less.”

According to Kanlaqui, the Centavo Fare promo is open to all Domestic and International destinations for the second half of 2013.

“If you are planning to have a vacation this time of the year, or if you just want to experience being locked inside a smoked cabin for 27 minutes or more, this is the best time to book your tickets for a very very low price.”

Kanlaqui was quick to reiterate that they have learned their lesson.

“Instead of keeping quiet and neglecting passengers for the whole 27 minutes, our crew is now trained to entertain passengers trapped inside a smoked cabin via various parlor games like ‘bring me’ and trivia games to distract them.”

Kanlaqui and Lokongwei expects the passengers to beg them not to come out of a smoked cabin just as long as the prizes for such games continue to flow.

“If this doesn’t help bring back our loyal customers, we are seriously looking into making an alternate ending to Game of Thrones season 3 episode 9, just to appease every Juan,” revealed Kanlaqui.

“Yes, we’re that desperate,” confirmed Lokongwei.

58 thoughts on “Cebu Pacific Announces “Centavo Fare Promo” to Win Back Public’s Trust

  1. Hahahahahahahaha…nakakatuwa naman ang storyline nitong satirical news!

    ==
    Kanlaqui and Lokongwei expects the passengers to beg them not to come out of a smoked cabin just as long as the prizes for such games continue to flow.

    “If this doesn’t help bring back our loyal customers, we are seriously looking into making an alternate ending to Game of Thrones season 3 episode 9, just to appease every Juan,” revealed Kanlaqui.
    ==

  2. “If this doesn’t help bring back our loyal customers, we are seriously looking into making an alternate ending to Game of Thrones season 3 episode 9, just to appease every Juan,” revealed Kanlaqui. —> HAHAHAHAH!

  3. THAT SMOKING CABIN…. NEXT TIME IF THAT EVER HAPPENS… BURN CANNABIS SATIVA PARA ALL THE PASSENGERS WILL BE COOL AND CALM SO CEBU PACIFIC MANAGEMENT WILL HAVE NO TROUBLE PACIFYING.

    • it’s because this website is all about satirical and fictional news. Which means, walang katotohan. Ok?

  4. bwahahaha thank you for making my day!

    i rarely follow websites. ill make this site one of the exceptions!

  5. Ay, grabe, overpriced nga talaga yung cup noodles ng Cebu Pacific. Nabasa ko dun sa Smile Magazine (this is Cebu Pacific’s official inflight magazine), between P45-P50 yung isang maliit na cup ng Nissin Cup Noodles. Mas mahal pa sa 7-11 o sa Ministop. Extortion at its worst!

    • How about The Vampire Diaries anyone? So that all of them will be bitten by hot vamps.😀 Di na madedead pag-masiraan ulit ang CebuPac.

  6. What????you were not there!may pa congratulate pa sa crew dahil naging professional?excuse me ang MGa flight attendant ang unang sumigaw sa lahat Taas pa ang paa.ang babano ng crew nyo!mga tanga!pls don’t make story that ur team was about to saw the window walang ganong ng yari I was der

  7. “We are proud to offer our same crappy customer service, our same emergency response behavior, and the same overpriced on-board instant noodles for 99 centavo less.”

    This is hilarious…xd

  8. “If this doesn’t help bring back our loyal customers, we are seriously looking into making an alternate ending to Game of Thrones season 3 episode 9, just to appease every Juan,” revealed Kanlaqui.

    eto na lang siguro ang tanging way!😀

  9. “What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.”

    Ay tink da word SATIRICAL es tu hard por a lat ob pipol tu anderstan

  10. Well and good for their promo. I believe that what happened last Sunday (June 02) runway mishap has lessons to be learned especially to the Ceb Pac management that they should make better their crisis management handling next time. Thanks be to God that no one seriously injured.

    And just a point of request, can you please bring back the “Air Bridge” privilege for your passengers? For airport terminals equipped with this kind of facility why should Cebu Pacific refuses to use this one for their passengers comfort? Just because they will pay extra cost (P7,000/plane) and their income will be affected?Its not service anymore.

  11. If he seriously thinks that waiting 27 minutes to deploy the emergency slides was “professional”…how is he even in this industry? In case of a flight emergency, evacuation must be done in no more than 90 seconds. If something more serious had occurred like a fire, all those people would be dead if they had to wait 27 minutes. Can’t these people just apologize instead of trying to save face?

    • Seriously? You used serious twice in your comment. Geez, people are too serious. Can’t even read the description of the site and the comments above. It’s satirical.

    • satire to! oh my God, kung sino mang anonymous ka, you’re too effin serious to read blogs like these, if you don’t know how to have a good time, please dun ka na lang sa mga diyaryo magreact, at least may seryosong opinion page dun…. sheesh

  12. Pingback: It Costs Only A Centavo to Fly Domestic or International | vegas pinoy

  13. “If this doesn’t help bring back our loyal customers, we are seriously looking into making an alternate ending to Game of Thrones season 3 episode 9, just to appease every Juan”

    The alternate ending will feature the main characters from all Houses boarding a Cebu Pacific flight and then everybody dies in the ensuing crash…

    … George Martin approved this alternate ending because it does not deviate much from the main plot and efficiently summarizes the remaining unwritten novels.

  14. Pingback: So What’s Satire? | Juan Malaya

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