Dan Brown Working on New Non-Fiction Novel Depicting Manila as ‘Heavenly’

danBrownNEW YORK CITY, New York — Best-selling American author Dan Brown announced today through his publisher Doubleday that he is hard at work writing a new non-fiction book about Manila, after receiving a letter from Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) Chairman Francis Tolentino.

In the letter, Tolentino expressed “disappointment” over the author’s “inaccurate portrayal” of Manila in his latest novel Inferno, in which one of the fictional characters alluded to the city as the “gates of hell”.

The chairman also said in his letter that Manila is an “entry to heaven” because of its religious beliefs.

“Metro Manila is the center of Filipino spirit, faith and hope,” he said.

“Mr. Brown was apologetic upon reading Tolentino’s letter,” according to Brown’s publicist Kristine Aragonzaga. “His heart was full of regret for his inaccurate fictional portrayal of a fictional city in his fictional book.”

According the Aragonzaga, Brown immediately called John Vincent, his editor at Doubleday to green-light his new book entitled ‘Heaven – Capital City of the Philippines‘, to which the latter immediately agreed to.

Heaven – Capital City of the Philippines is a non-fiction novel about a world-class city that has NO garbage, children sniffing solvents, criminals who can just shoot anyone in broad daylight, pollution, prostitution or other derogatory elements that can affect its proud citizens. A city called Manila.

(description from the press release)

“I feel bad and disgusted for what I’ve done,” said Brown in an interview following the announcement of his new book. “After reading Mr. Tolentino’s letter, I must admit that I was enlightened and inspired to immediately work on this new book.”

Brown was kind enough to give us a glimpse of what he has written so far:

Manila, the capital city of the Philippines can be described in one word: Heaven.

Upon exiting their world-class airport, you are greeted by Filipinos who are willing to help carry your luggage to an awaiting taxi without asking for anything in return. Their taxis are driven by the most honest people on Earth who will not try to trick you into paying a much larger fare.

I asked the driver to open the windows as he was driving along a traffic-jam-free avenue in order for me to breathe in the world renowned pollution-free air that this country has to offer.

I had to constantly remind myself that I was in Manila, a city that I once referred to in a fictional story as to having suffocation pollution.

Boy, was I wrong.

(Excerpt from page 1)

“And that is just page 1,” said Brown, as he handed me another page to read.

I asked the driver to bring me to Ermita, a popular place for sex trade in the city according to some of my friends.

“We don’t have sex trade here in the Manila,” said the proud driver in fluent English. “Or in other cities for that matter.”

At that moment, I glanced out the window to see a well-lit road lined up with grandiose houses and mansions.

I asked the driver where we were.

“We just passed Delpan and going to Road 10,” he answered politely.

I was in awe.

Manila, it seems, is a city where the meaning of poverty has been erased from the minds of its citizens, not because of lack of education, mind you; but because of the high standard of living the citizens are enjoying.

(From page 40)

The best-selling author handed me another page.

“If you think these houses are magnificent,” the driver quipped, obviously noticing my amazement, “Wait till we arrive at Baseco and Parola.”

Five minutes later, after carefully pulling-over to the side of the road via his disciplined use of the vehicle’s signal lights, rear-view mirror and side-view mirrors, we arrived at Baseco.

I stepped from the taxi, gaping at the large mansions that set beyond the sidewalk, towering over me as if attempting to intimidate me. The cream coating of the paint shined as the sun beat down on it, causing me to squint. Uniquely twisted fencing kept the houses enclosed, neatly trimmed hedges surrounded them. The roof was peaked, slanting down at an angle. The windows had royal purple curtains hanging on the other side of them, drawn so that the sunlight could stream through.

As I stepped onto the sidewalk, I noticed a marble fountain sitting towards the right side of the lawn. An angel holding a flower was perched on top, looking up towards the clear blue sky. Water spurted from its other hand, which lay gently out in front of it, as if waiting for someone to take it in return. The water fell gently towards the crystal blue pool beneath it, causing ripples to form and wave out until they were no more.

This is Baseco. But it felt like heaven…

(From page 41)

After reading, Brown cannot contain himself and said, “And that is just the tip of the iceberg!”

“Wait till you read what I have to say about your churches and its strict adherence to the concept of ‘separation of church and state”, teased Brown.

Dan Brown’s Heaven – Capital City of the Philippines is set to be released this Holiday season.

120 thoughts on “Dan Brown Working on New Non-Fiction Novel Depicting Manila as ‘Heavenly’

  1. There are many gates that allow one into Manila which can lead him to see the good, the bad and the ugly. But there is no gate to hell! By the way, has Mr. Brown ever been to hell? Perhaps he has in his damn mind. He should know that the problems be setting Manila are the same problems found in many other cities with big population around the world. Satirical or not, Mr. Brown’s mind is the real gate to hell!

  2. I hope someone will send this to Dan Brown and his publishers. They will surely get a kick out of this article. Hahahaha! Good job, SWN!

  3. Hahaha. If Dan Brown sniffs enough solvent, he might actually write that way. Hmmm, maybe our dear MMDA Chair is on it…or he might be in an alternate universe where Manila is indeed heaven.

  4. Gates of hell can only be seen by those people who can never appreciate the beauty of life even it leads you to its darkest & brightest side.
    Life can be heaven or Hell, depending on how we deal w/ it.
    We can either be ‘Bitter’ or ‘Better’,
    just don’t anyone ruin your day by allowing them to walk w/ their dirty feet in your life.😉

  5. It is all just a gimmick to make Tolentino look good around the world ….hahahaha get real .. maybe his airfare is free so as the food and ACCOMODATION…this just Rubbish

    • BEST. COMMENT. EVER.

      Ate, even a two-year old can tell that this article is satire. And that Brown’s response to Tolentino is fake.

      Thanks for the laugh!

    • Hi. Please don’t be stupid and ignorant. The comment box itself says “What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.” In case you don’t understand very well, this is a satire. This whole thing never happened. He is not making a new book. Please get it through your thick head.

    • Hi Nina.

      Come June when you pass by SEC walk and a group of people suddenly laughs out loud, don’t worry about it. It’s not that we’re laughing with you, we’re laughing AT you. We will just be overwhelmed with emotions. You never fail to amuse me and my friends with your existence.

      Thank you.

    • Ever heard of sarcasm? Jesus Christ. Why can’t we just all accept that really, Manila is one of the worst cities to live in.

  6. Dan Brown made some very disturbing things about the vatican, the center of Christendom without batting an eyelash. He’s got the marbles for that. Now would he “Really” apologize to a country who cant even protect their own people from bullies? and with no TRUE love for it’s people. Capital of religious Hypocrites should be more accurate. Apology or whatnot there are some glimmer of truth from what he wrote. And that made this article really hilarious! LOL. If you cant laugh at your own flaws…you have no right to laugh at other’s! You are correct i dont have a drop of nationalism in me.

  7. Nina, don’t you own a dictionary? Try Google, it’s free .It’s a freaking SATIRE, you m****. To think you’re from Ateneo. How can you be such a disgrace to the Atenean community. Ateneans are known for being critical thinkers, and you just go on and complain about Dan Brown’s book which is entirely FICTIONAL, and you do so by posting on an article that is SATIRICAL. Bravo.

  8. Talk about Face-Heel Turn! Haha! And those Purple Prose “excerpts” are so hilarious if you think Dan Brown would really write them!

  9. Napaka exagerrated naman kasi ung pagkafictional🙂 In anyway, totoo din naman eh. Un ang tawag na bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit. Kasalanan to nong mga pinoy friends ni Dan Brown. sila ung nagdidescribe kung ano ang manila… just saying lang po.

  10. Fiction is Fiction, can we please give a writer a chance to use his imagination, his creativity and be able to write what’s in his mind.

    I understand, it could be offending or some sort. Let’s just try to think that the Manila that he wrote about is a fictional city same as with other cities, countries and places around the world that are depicted in the stories, novels and even movies.

    Let’s give Mr. Brown a chance to be a literary person.

    • I don’t think Dan Brown even knows this article exist… in fact, after receiving the letter from Tolentino (assuming he did) … Dan Brown probably just smirked and dropped it in his shredder

  11. My friends take it as an opportunity. For in the minds of those who have not actually been to the Philippines, will be curious and eager to come and discover by themselves what is “heaven and hell” so to speak. Its more fun here in the Philippines are you forgetting? As a result there will be an increase in tourist arrivals in the next few months.

  12. Who will buy that about Manila?! I thought Dan Brown can never be that stupid in his novels.He’s now being stupid about 2 novels about Manila as hell & now Manila as heaven. Gosh! Can he not make up his mind? If he is just writing fiction, as he said, with that bullish reference about a country, why actually name the country? Jeez! I have been a big fan of him pa naman.

    • Satire po ang article na to. Fictional po ang novel nyang Inferno. Even if it is not most of his portrayal about manila is true anyway. Open your eyes accept what is true, maybe there is a chance to make manila a better place.

  13. Ang alam ko sa Imperno, doon nakatira ang mga Demonyo, hold upper, magnanakaw, durugista, magdalena, mga bodol bodol, Car napper at etchetera. Sa Maynila, ang nakatira hindi durugista, hindi hold upper, hindi sinungaling, hindi mga magnanakaw, at mga anghel. lang ang nakatira, di ba?, Sa Maynila pag naglakad ka sa madilim na daan, hindi ka ma hold-up, kahit sa jeep at bus walang mga hold-upper. Kaya mali ang sinasabi ni Brown.

  14. Oh, i get it when i googled about SWN! This news website is generating fictional news for humor sake, etc….sick…..Just look at what this is now doing to the GENERAL readers. They are being baited to read an article of yours and are now hitting each other over those articles, spreading more negativity in our environment. Who is now humored? Only you.

  15. sabi ko sa sMMDA chairman na kung naniniwala syang hindi gates of hell ang manila ay maglakad sa north harbor, tondo, bonifacio drive areas after 10 PM na magisa, walang kasamang pulis or MMDA kung kaya nya. hindi na sumagot sa twitter. ha ha ha

  16. after all the comment that i red…..SATRICAL ba kamo? may i go out muna…naTAE ako sa mga nabasa ko eh!😄

  17. omg like I so hate dan brown na coz he called manila hell but I know that manila is so heaven kasi I love my country PINOY PRIDE!

    huehuehuehuehue

  18. Yeah Dan Brown is stupid. hurr durr. MMDA Chairman is brave hurr durr. It is an outrage that any author would depict Manila as anything else but heavenly. hurr durr…. Let the comment shitstorm BEGIN

  19. Truth be told, Reality really hurts if we are ready to open our minds! instead of bashing Mr Brown, why cant we reflect on the “fictional” yet REAL images that spawn to the mind of this author. its unfortunate that a person foreign from this country was able to address the situation… the suffering of its people and the undeniable bullshit that the city turn into since its glory days. When will the corruption end..? This should be an “eye opener” for its people and its leaders. instead of denying yourselves of the truth, let this be a step on finding the solutions to the problems not just the city but the country.

  20. An eye opener for it’s “leaders”. Lol, they are the ones causing the problem here in the Philippines. I have witnesses the way these so called “leaders” run the country. Although, even though this is a third world country, I find so many similarities to the way the U.S. leaders treat the people of there “perfect” country. There is massive corruption in most countries on this earth. It’s great there are still people out there willing to write about it for everyone to read. These kind of writings may not have short term effect on life, but in the long term who knows what will happen.

  21. Sometimes we just need a hard slap on the face to wake us up on the real world… Haha.. Tnx Dan…. -clarkkent

  22. Masyadong defensive ang mga pinoy. Totoo namang mabaho, madumi at maraming loko-loko sa Maynila! Yun lang yun! Kaya feeling hurt! Maraming ganun na lugar sa mundo, pero Maynila ang napili niyang gamitin! Be proud people! Probably, it’s the only place he and his reader’s know. Baka kapag ibang lugar, mag isip pa yung babasa kung saan yun!

  23. “What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.”

    Dapat kasi nauna ito sa taas ng comments section LOL!

  24. Kudos, Brown. C’mon, be honest Filipinos/Philippines, do you think you live in heaven? K, so I was born and raised in American but moved to the Philippines about 6 years ago and I noticed that people here are oblivious to everything! There are so many problems in the Philippines and Tolentino is lucky that that’s all Brown had to say about it. Filipinos pride themselves into thinking that the Philippines is a place of religion, hope, faith and beauty. But it’s not. It’s the same everywhere you go around here. Traffic is horrendous. Not just in Manila. People don’t care about safety at all. A tricycle will turn out onto a highway without even looking. In Manila, people switch lanes in traffic thinking that one lane is going faster than the other but no. It’s only ’cause a smaller car was there. Homeless people constantly asking you for money and as soon as they figure out you’re not a local, it’s game over. They’ll bother you until you give them change. Even at that, they’ll have the nerve to ask you for more. There is beauty in the Philippines, for a price. The Philippines has some of the nicest beaches in the world. So what does the Philippines do? Charge extra and abuse the crap out of it. I went to Boracay, where I had to buy a minimum amount of food&beverages from the hotel just to use the chair that they put out on the beach. And when I got into the water, I was being hit by the waves of empty noodle wrappers in the water. I cannot believe that the citizens of the Philippines can look around and think, “Hey, we live in a splendid ol’ place don’t we? No crime. No poverty. Nothing.” It’s ridiculous. The rich people in the Philippines tend to look the other way when it comes to the country they live in. The only time they’re proud of being Filipino is when someone Filipino is good at something, internationally. Jessica Sanchez, Manny Pacquiao, etc. But on a regular day basis, an average Filipino will tell you about how hard it is to be Filipino. There are other countries comparable to the Philippines. For example, India has a lot of traffic, pollution and it’s really hot. And people will say that about India, but you don’t see India getting butthurt or banning people from their country just ’cause they got offended by someone else’s opinion. If Tolentino really does have a problem with Brown portraying the Philippines wrong, why doesn’t Tolentino walk Brown down the streets of Manila and show him this “beauty” that he speaks of. If Tolentino has such a huge problem about the Brown’s opinion, why doesn’t he try to do something about Manila? He’s a grown ass man AND a politician. Shouldn’t he be worried about the huge percent of poverty in the Philippines? Oh yeah, “there isn’t one.”

    • Whatever damage was done will be as nothing compared with the damage this satirical piece will do. It will laugh us all to hell and reap Dan Brown much more than he has earned thus far. We would all be much better off laughing along with this crazy idea we’ve (actually, Francis Tolentino) given him! Lighten up, folks, this is going to stampede curious tourists to our shores, eager for a view of how to navigate the gates of hell! Imagine how eagerly they’ll come for a view of how much more fun it is in hell… Meanwhile, get serious and start giving heavenly relief to your respective communities, cleaning it, ridding it of vice and ugliness, showing how citizen mobilization can close down hell in your neighborhoods… Now, that would be a fitting end to all this hullaballoo!

  25. THE ONLY CATHOLIC NATION IN SOUTHEAST ASIA…. THE ‘CHOSEN’ PEOPLE OF GOD. CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE… (TATAWAGIN NIYANG ‘GATES OF HELL’? WHICH WOULD BE A GOOD TITLE FOR A MOVIE. BUT TITLE TAKEN.)

    😀

  26. I have read some of Dan Brown’s books and I enjoyed doing so. But with this one, Mr. Brown better be advised that while he has a writer’s license, there is a place called Manila in the Philippines and this not fiction. It’s real. And in Manila, there are no gates to hell. It somehow bothers me that he names a place in the Philippines for his Inferno. He could have created something more imaginative.

    • I also live in Manila and seriously, it’s FUN walking around Bambang, Tondo, Quiapo, Carriedo. Truly, Manila is a sight to belod. ^_^

  27. Now this really describes the City of Manila! I hope he mentioned the state of the art sewerage system of this metropolis and the pristine waters of Manila Bay. Boy ‘can’t wait to read this new book by Mr. Brown!

  28. Malinis nga ang Amerika pero daming pumapatay ng mga bata sa eskuwelahan nila. Dami depressed at sira ulo doon. Ang may hawak na bread knife sa mall pinatay nang walang habas. ang mga tumatakbo sa marathon pinapasabugan. there is always the good and the ugly in any country. but for him to single out Manila and affect our tourism industry negatively is unacceptable. we have 7,107 islands. he should have joined the Survivors in Caramoan. baka nag-enjoy pa siya nang husto.

    • “Hey guys! It’s not so bad here, so I’m throwing other countries under the bus just to let you know they are much worse than our lives in Manila! Teehee! So come and experience life in Tondo, Quiapo, Dapitan and Carriedo! It’s fun being here, no really!”

  29. Buch of hot-headed, critically insensitive pinoys. Arguing over satire. This country just keeps getting better and better…

  30. Even though it is a satirical and fictional website gusto kung tapusin nung nagsulat ng Heaven – Capital City of the Philippines yung kwento nya, mukaNG interesting yung topic depicting Manila as what people WANTS to see and feel but not as what REALLY people see and feel. ahahha.

  31. Pingback: Dan Brown Working on New Non-Fiction Novel Depicting Manila as ‘Heavenly’ | vegas pinoy

  32. What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your toots below.
    Toot toot toot toot toot o ayan! Nag share na ako. – anga!

  33. The article is hilarious but this time, the comments drew more laughs for me.

    And one of the most sensible comments is this :

    d0 y0u r3aLLy h4v3 t0 fi9hT 0v3r th!s? j3j3j3j3

    Mr. SWN, thanks again for brightening up my day.

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