“The overwhelming victory of a self-professed on-the-job trainee-cum-Senator in the recently held election in the Philippines cemented the country’s fate,” wrote Time’s news director Marilou C. Martin.
She added, “Falling for the diversionary tactics of an inexperienced candidate that saw her steer the issue away from her credibility to her skin complexion to make herself look like the underdog; gave us no choice but to bestow such title to a country, who was destined for greatness before the elections.”
“And yes, we intentionally all-capped the word stupid for added emphasis,” according to Martin.
Time gave special attention to the country’s 11,789,643 registered voters (as of press time) who voted for Nancy Binay, as contributing to the country’s “overall stupidity rating index”.
“These are probably the same 11,289,648 people who had no access to the internet to witness the criticism their bet received for her lack political background or experience.”
The magazine didn’t wait for Comelec’s final and official number of votes Binay received before coming out with the latest issue saying that, “The amount of gullibility and the unprecedented level of idiocy forced us to go to press immediately.”
The article also noted that the country’s saving grace, namely its recent credit rating upgrade, Manny Pacquiao, Jessica Sanchez or Jada Pinkett-Smith asking for a copy of Jericho Rosales’ film did not help one bit.
“Those are only minor achievements as compared to the repercussions the sheer amount of stupidity the recent actions of the Filipino people entails.”
“It’s these kind of situations that not even Lou Diamond Philips winning the Oscars or the Philippines winning the next Miss Universe can help with your country’s image,” said Martin.
All is not lost however, according to political analyst Mak Jendoza.
“Andyan na yan eh, ano pa magagawa natin (She’s already there, what else can we do)?” said Jendoza. “Siguraduhin nalang natin na hindi na mauulit ito pagdating ng 2016 (We just have to make sure that we shall not repeat this same mistake come 2016).”
“Abe eh kung maging presidente ang tatay nyan at madagdagan pa ng isang kapatid sa Senado sa 2016, baka pati ang United Nations hirangin na din tayong mga inutil (If ever her dad became president and another one of her sibling became a senator in 2016, even the United Nations shall name us stupid),” warned Jendoza.
“I can’t say that I’m proud of this recent ‘achievement’ of our country,” said Johnny Manuel Ebola after learning about the magazine cover. “But at least I’m proud to say that I’m not one of those 11,789,643 nincompoops!”