Jack Enrile Camp Brainstorming Other “Believable” Gimmicks After Ambush Plot Fails To Capture Voters’ Interest

JackEnrileMANILA, Philippines — After netizens accused him of staging yesterday’s ambush on his convoy and finding it unbelievable, the camp of Jack Enrile are busy brainstorming other ‘believable’ gimmicks and angles that would help their bet make it back to the top of the race.

Failure to get the public’s sympathy via an ambush plot would be a PR man’s nightmare, and certainly not helping his standing on SWS and Pulse Asia Surveys, which he placed 13th and 12th respectively.

Ronaldo Lucatmi, Enrile’s public relations manager is still very optimistic though.

“We still have a few tricks up or sleeve,” claimed Lucatmi, while showing us a list entitled ‘proposed newsmakers’:

  • Have client got to Vatican and shake hands with newly inaugurated Pope Francis, if the latter agrees.
  • Have client join PUP students in their annual ‘chair-burning‘ festival.
  • Organize a press conference for client’s in-law telling the public how they don’t approve of their daughter and Enrile’s marriage.
  • Air an even more annoying political advertisement than that of Grace Poe’s, who managed to make it to the top 3, if the recent survey released by StratPOLLS is to be believed (Don’t -Ed.).
  • Have client fake a suicide attempt that would lessen campaign expenditures as compared to what a fake ambush would cost.
  • Have client make a surprise cameo in GMA’s Temptation of Wife as Dancel, killing Marcel for beating up Angeline before and stealing her away from Nigel.
  • Have client release one of those Harlem Shake videos and hope that it would go viral.
  • Force client to make “overt sexual advances” on a certain presidential sister.
  • Have client release a statement about the Reproductive Health (RH) Law and the status quo ante order.
  • Downplay 2012 Bar Exam Topnotcher and boast how client was Top Absentee in the House of Representatives. Bad publicity is still publicity.
  • Have client guest in Gandang Gabi Vice that the the kids nowadays seems to praise a lot.
  • If all else fails, have client try another ambush attempt as a last resort.

Stay tuned for further updates.

6 thoughts on “Jack Enrile Camp Brainstorming Other “Believable” Gimmicks After Ambush Plot Fails To Capture Voters’ Interest

  1. Hahahaha! Perfectly written! Even how ABS-CBN’s been allowing their shows be used by politicians.

    A healthy addition would be: Have Maalaala mo Kaya cover client’s life story highlighting on client’s “great” political life and that the fake ambush was true.

  2. He’s got the finacial back as everyone knows, but, if he becomes a public servant, the decline in our economic and moral attitudes will continue and worsen ! He played his “Privileged” card way back when he 1st learned to walk. Many witnessed his worst as a teenager and as a young adult. It would be incredibly stupid and idiotic of any citizen to vote him into office.

  3. Uyyy you forgot: rush to the location of sister’s dead boyfriend and claim that you had nothing to do with it… That it was suicide! If that doesn’t get the votes, i don’t know what can!!!

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