Bacolod Diocese Distributed ‘Mind Control Hats’ Last Sunday, Just In Case

NEGROS, Philippines — After urging voters not to vote for candidates under ‘Team Patay” and endorsing the candidacy of “Team Buhay” members, the diocese of Bacolod stepped up their campaign here Sunday, giving away ‘propaganda’ hats to churchgoers after the mass.

Senators Francis ‘Chiz’ Escudero, Loren Legarda, Alan Peter Cayetano and former Akbayan Rep. Risa Hontiveros from Team PNoy were included on the list which the diocese dubbed as “Team Patay”.

Also included on the list are Cagayan Rep. Jack Enrile from UNA and Bayan Muna Rep. Teddy Casino from Makabayan.

The diocese, meanwhile, urged voters to support candidates who they deem as “pro-life,” such as Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV, Sen. Koko Pimentel III and former Las Pinas Rep. Cynthia Villar. All 3 are on the administration’s slate.

Sen. Gringo Honasan, San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito and Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay round out the list which the diocese called “Team Buhay”.

(from ABS-CBN News)

hatAccording to one disgusted Catholic, the priest handed out hats after the mass and told the people in attendance to wear them at all times especially on May 13th, when they go out and vote.

“These are holy hats,” the priest was quoted as saying. “Always wear them and be guided by the word of the Lord.”

The hats bear the names of both Team Patay & Team Buhay candidates in case one forgets who not to vote. But apparently, the hat has one more important function, if insider source is to be believed.

According to Roger, not his real name, the church previously invested in state-of-the-art subliminal message or “mind control” technology and has embedded such capabilities into the hats that were given away last Sunday.

Roger, an altar boy was fed-up with how the priest from Bacolod was maltreating him, hence he came out with the revelation and was kind enough to give us a sample of the aforementioned hat.

We sent the innocent looking headgear to our friends at YogaTech and after an extensive tinkering session, confirmed that the technology is known as ‘Perception Altering Device – Receiver/ Emitter 3000’. Below are the specs that they have uncovered sans the ‘unboxing’ video.

PADRE 3000

  • 60 GHZ high frequency antenna for rural and far-flung areas. 
  • DualSim capabality in case Globe’s network acts up again.
  • Micro Solar Panel for automatic charging on-the-go.
  • WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) Subliminal Speakers that broadcasts the message of the Lord.
  • 10MP Camera to monitor flock’s donation amount and compliance to block voting.
  • Pre-installed with Andruid OS 2.3.4 (Damaso) upgradeable to Andruid OS 6.66 (Salvi).
  • Symbolic Red Decal to drive home the point.
  • CF Card slot for firmware storage.
  • Susceptible Level Indicator Lights to distinguish the devout from the fake.

According to Roger, priests from Bacolod will use the device to sway the people into voting for Team Buhay candidates, as well as broadcasting “repetitive messages from the Lord” on how the RH Law is all about the government forcibly wearing a condom on every Filipinos’ penis, forcing mothers into abortion, allowing children to watch pornographic movies during class, and how the said law is the work of the devil, daily.

If proven effective, the “mind control program” would be expanded nationwide by the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) to effectively control the presidential elections come 2016.

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