SWN’s 2013 Chinese New Year Predictions

chinese astrologySWN’s 2013 Chinese New Year Predictions

Want to know your outlook for this year? You don’t have to look far as SWN present an accurate prediction for all Chinese Zodiac signs right here.

The Rat 

  • Rats will have a prosperous year ahead, just as long as you will buy these lucky charms that cost P1,168 apiece. 
  • Heart matters will see an increase in activity as you will be diagnosed with high blood pressure.
  • Success in your profession relies on your hard work, and not on predictions.

The Tiger

  • Avoid having fights or arguments with your neighbors, especially the ones born on the year of the Dog, for they have a habit of leaving fecal matter on your doorsteps. 
  • You will not find love if you spend most of your time indoors.
  • Avoid money that will come to you on election day. Vote buying is frowned upon.
  • If you want to be a cat, go. Do not let society’s judgement stop you. When people ask what year you were born, answer “The year of the cat proudly.

The Ox

  • You will be diagnosed with diabetes because of the high number of Tikoys you  consumed during the start of the year. 
  • Contrary to what a certain vice presidential daughter might have you believed,  it is up to you to make the life of your children beautiful.
  • Not all people you meet on social networking sites are your friend. Live with it. This certainly applies to candidates who thinks that social media interactions are always candy coated or full of “high fives”. Yon!

The Rabbit

  • Due to the nature of hopping around, Rabbits should avoid voting for politicians born on the year of the “political butterfly”.
  • You should wear red underwear the whole year to increase your chances of promotion. Also try red polka-dotted underwear to increase your chances.
  • Despite what you may have heard, do not believe reports about Lucky 12 or Magic 12. Vote with your brain, not with surveys or lucky numbers.

The Dragon 

  • Despite being the only fictional creature on this list, Dragons will see an opulence of blessings this year.
  • Money will continue to flow in, because, you know, that’s what really matters.
  • Having lots of money doesn’t guarantee a happy romantic relationship. Money can’t buy you love.

The Snake

  • Despite this year being your year, Snakes should be more careful with business deals, because there are lots of “ahas” in this world. 
  • Not all Chinese are as talented & as good looking like Kim Chiu, Xian Lim or Sir Chief. Just look at the talented Tim Yap.
  • Snakes are not straight in nature, so expect to be accused of not being true in your quest for “matuwid na daan“.

The Horse

  • Avoid defecating anywhere, especially in Chinatown, as it is unsightly. 
  • Horses are born fast and agile, that is why you should join more fun runs this year.
  • What is a Chinese prediction without the obligatory mention about money. Your business will boom. How that will happen is up to you.
  • You might have difficulties looking for your favorite “Partylist starting with the letter A” this coming elections, as they might be at the bottom of the ballot.  Yes, even 1AAASA.

The Sheep

  • You will see an abundance of wealth coming in to your life. Promise. 
  • To maximize your luck, do not close your doors to let it freely flow in. Just be careful with unwanted elements that might enter your home.
  • Do not jump into decisions that you might regret later on. This includes voting for the mayor of your city, as you are advised to weigh the pros and cons of the candidates. Tough look if you are a resident of Quezon City.

The Giraffe

  • Do not be annoyed by people asking if you play basketball just because of your immense height. Answer them politely and walk away or change the topic. 
  • People born on the year of the Giraffe will be successful in whatever projects they undertake. Nothing could go wrong.
  • Money. Financial success. Business. Luck. Money. Blah blah blah blah…

The Monkey 

  • Monkeys engaged in monkey business should be careful, as the government becomes more strict (namely B.I.R & B.O.C).
  • Be careful with what you read online, some may be true but others aren’t.
  • Your luck will improve, especially if you join the countless number of reality shows in our country.
  • Do not fall for candidates who cries during interviews. Anybody can cry on cue. Look at me now. *sniff

The Rooster

  • For Roosters running for office, a sure way to win and get your opponent disqualified is to post campaign related tarpaulins or air t.v. and radio commercials bearing your opponent’s name on their behalf. 
  • You will not be easily swayed, as you still think that PTK should be pronounced as “putok” & not “pitik”. Such is the perseverance of a Rooster.
  • Creativity of Roosters cannot be denied. Just when you think that all past politicians have used up all finger combinations to form hand signals, you still come up with new ones.

The Pig

  • Nobody wants lots of food & free food more than Pigs. That is why you should not let politicians make empty promises without asking them in detail how they are going to do it. 
  • It is a known fact that Chinese astrologers have  huge vocabularies, especially when it comes to synonyms for the word ‘prosperous’.
  • You will receive an exorbitance of good news all throughout the year.

The Dog

  • However plentiful the amount of round fruits you have on your table, it will still not make up for your laziness in life. 
  • It is a good year to get married. May I suggest a number of Chinese restaurants that might interest you?
  • Do not fall prey to dragon dancers who dances Gangnam style. It will only bring bad luck into your life.

Contrary to what you may have heard, it is the Year of the Crocodile and not of the Snake.

Happy Chinese New Year! Kung Hei Fat Choi!

(Thanks to reader Eric on Facebook )

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