Gun Ban Really Really Effective, Survey Shows

MANILA, Philippines — The election gun ban is apparently very effective, if a recent survey is to be believed.

The result showed a higher satisfaction rating for the gun ban as compared to the last survey done last 2010.

Respondents to the survey consists primarily of members of various criminal groups notorious for their crime sprees around the country, including ‘Martilyo Gang’, ‘Donut Gang’, and ‘Acetylene Gang‘ among others.

They were all asked one simple question:

How effective is the gun ban?

a. Really really effective

b. just okay

c. don’t care

d. not effective

The survey by the National Survey Coordination Board (NSCB) showed that 93% of the respondents think that the gun ban is really really effective, with 4% thinking it’s ‘just okay’, while 2% answered they don’t care and the remaining 1% saying that it is not effective at all.


Ben Panday is the one with the white hat, not the one with the perfectly coiffed hair and scarf around his neck.

Boy Toothpick, a member of the Northside Crypts, a group that is a product of DEPED’s program (full story here), said that his answer was a “no-brainer”.

“It’s been smooth sailing for all of us so far, and we would like to thank the Philippine National Police for doing a great job in enforcing the gun ban”, said Boy Toothpick while trying so hard to hold back his giggles.

“We all know that the PNP has checkpoints  all around the Metro at night,” explains Luchio, a member of ‘Buy Stuff Inside Mall To Be Used In Committing Crimes Inside Same Mall Group‘. “What we do then is commit our crimes in broad daylight. Sisiw!”

Salamat din nga pala dun sa sikyu sa SM, kasi hindi na nya ako kinapkapan (Thank you to the security guard at Sm who did not frisk me),” said Pepeng Agimat. “Pero balita ko naghigpit at todo check na sila ulit (But I heard that they have tightened their security and making thorough checks again).

The groups said that they would just return to the malls after 2 to 3 months, when the security of the mall will be back to their laid back selves.

Ben Panday, who used a pipe wrench he bought inside the mall to commit a jewelry store heist has this to say: “They weren’t kidding when they say that ‘We got it all for you’. Thanks Henry Sy!”


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