Jack Enrile Withdraws From Senatorial Race. Afraid What Dad Might Bring Up If Ever Elected.

SAN JUAN, Philippines — First district of Cagayan and 2013 Senatoriable Jack Enrile has just announced his withdrawal from this year’s senatorial race. This after his father, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile and Senate Minority Leader Alan Peter Cayetano’s word war turned personal Wednesday night.

The rift between Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile and Senate Minority Leader Alan Peter Cayetano became personal Wednesday on the Senate floor, with Cayetano lamenting Enrile’s treatment of the minority and even rebuking Enrile’s chief of staff.

In response, Enrile bared a multi-million peso debt allegedly incurred by Cayetano’s late father many years ago.

In a privilege speech, Cayetano said Enrile and his chief of staff Gigi Reyes have been giving him unfair treatment. He said this was probably because the two are close to former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, of whom he was a critic. (from GMA News)

jack enrile presser

Cagayan 1st Distric Representative Jack Enrile makes his announcement, as his Chief of Staff Gabriel Guiguinto Reyes looks on.

“It is with deep regret and profound sadness to announce my withdrawal from the 2013 Senatorial Elections,” said Enrile, obviously trying to hold back tears while speaking in front of family, friends and the media during the press conference held at Club Filipino this morning.

Gustuhin ko man na makamit ng sambayanang Pilipino and murang pagkain, maraming pagkain (pause), mas nararapat siguro na umatras muna ako kesa masingil pa ako ng tatay ko sakaling maupo ako sa pwesto (As much as I want Filipinos to have affordable food, lots of food, it would be better if I quit now, lest my dad brings up something that I owe him).”

When asked what his dad might bring up, the ‘eight most absent lawmaker as of November 18 2012 in the 16th Congress in the House of Representatives‘ took out a large brown envelope containing pieces of paper that were stapled together from his briefcase.

“Since I was born, every time my dad did something for me, however big or small, he would give me a piece of paper,” narrates the congressman. “On this paper, he will write what he just did for me and put it inside this large brown envelope labelled with my name”

Here are some of the items included in the envelope as enumerated by Jack Enrile’s Chief of Staff, Gabriel Guiguinto Reyes:

  • Hospital receipt dated July 16, 1958 amounting to P2,478.27
  • Receipt for milk purchases from 1958 to 1963 amounting to P7,522.89
  • A crumpled paper labelled “tuli (circumcision)” signed by a certain Mang Amboy amounting to P250.00
  • Various receipts from educational institutions from with the one from Christian Heritage College El Cajon, California amounting to 746,943.75 USD.
  • A paper labelled “Graduation Gift: Parker Pen w/o Engraving” amounting to P150.00
  • A yellow pad paper labelled “Alfie Anido Housekeeping – Priceless”
  • Various receipt for luxury cars purchased amounting to P10,148,896.00.
  • Annual collection of electricity bills amounting to P876,145.26.
  • Receipts for Starbucks, milk teas and extra pearls for P16,759.00.
  • 36 years worth of driver’s license renewal receipts from the Land Transportation Office (LTO) amounting to P15,035.00.
  • A note saying, “That time when I defended you from mom when you came home late from JS Prom.”
  • An undated receipt labelled: Sally’s monthly ultrasound amounting to P30,834.00
  • Another note saying, “That time when I fixed your toy train when you were eight.”
  • “That Mongol Pencil #2 you asked me to buy for you at the very last minute on our way to school,” dated July 27, 1964.
  • “Referred ad agency who made my ‘Gusto Ko Happy Ka’ slogan to you.”
  • “That Mongol Pencil #2 you asked me to buy for you again after you lost that Mongol Pencil #2 I bought just the other day,” dated July 29, 1964.
  • Wisdom tooth extraction from Dr. Benjamin Alcantara Robles.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Reyes. “There’s more where this came from.”

According to him, the large brown envelope is organized together with other envelopes labelled with names from other personalities and stored in a large filing cabinet, which is aptly referred to as “Johnny Debt” inside the Enrile household.

Rumor has it that Vice President Jejomar Binay’s niece’s 2nd cousin’s enphew , Darren Binay is being eyed as Jack Enrile’s replacement in United Nationalist Alliance’s (UNA) senatorial lineup.

13 thoughts on “Jack Enrile Withdraws From Senatorial Race. Afraid What Dad Might Bring Up If Ever Elected.

  1. You forgot to add “Hush money for Liezel Martinez (PHP 1 million).”

    Note to readers: Jackie Enrile allegedly raped Liezel Martinez, forcing the latter to leave showbiz out of shame.

  2. Pingback: Philippines news: Rep. Enrile denies dropping out of senatorial race | Pinas news library

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s