The 2012 Top 8 Holiday Gift Ideas For Filipinos

MANILA, Philippines — After the recent discovery of the Teen Pregnancy Doll being sold in Divisoria last week, SWN is proud to present the Top 8 Holiday Gift Ideas for Filipinos.

The 2012 Top 8 Holiday Gift Ideas for Filipinos:

1. The Zoren Legaspi Bolster Pillow

After surprising his wife with a proposal and wedding ceremony on the same day, Zoren Legaspi became the “IT” guy for all hopeless romantics in the country. His “Pogi Points” skyrocketed to insane levels on that day. Give the gift of love this Christmas with the Zoren Legaspi Bolster Pillow.

Made from 100% cotton and measuring at almost 6ft; this intricately sewn pillow with a printed life size Zoren on the front, is the perfect gift for your hopeless romantic friends, and friends who will be spending the holidays alone.

Also available: BB. Gandanghari Bolster Pillow

2. The It-Should-Be-The-Job-Of-The-PNP CCTV Package

With the crime rate on the rise and the Philippine National Police playing a cat & mouse game with the perpetrators, it is now time to take matters into your own hands.

Equip your homes or your business establishments with state-of-the-art security surveillance set-up. Nothing would bring joy to your loved ones that by giving them the gift of security.

Because if the authorities cannot prevent a crime from happening in the first place, the next logical step would be to watch the crime happen on the screen a day after the crime has been committed.

3. The Definitive How Not To Fall For Get Rich Quick Scheme Book

This members only book is perfect for you family and friends!

Upon paying a membership fee, subscribers would be able to receive volume 1 of this fifty volume set. With every successful referral, you’ll be able to add to your knowledge on how not to fall victim for get rich quick schemes. You’ll want to complete every book because there is a cliffhanger ending in each volume, until you have reached the final one.

So, what are you waiting for? Start inviting your family, friends & Mayors, because the best gift you can give them is the power of knowledge.

4. CBCP “Dotted” Condoms

Christmas is the time for unity and the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines knows this wholeheartedly.

That is why they have decided to embrace contraceptive usage by giving away their own brand of  “dotted” condoms.

These lubricated condoms, are strategically “dotted” with holes by priests using a blessed but sharp pin, so that the sperm would be able to penetrate the ovum. A perfect Christmas gift for your on-the-fence semi-Catholic friends. The CBCP is calling it the “ethnic cleansing” gift for all Pro-RH Bill advocates.

5. The KC5000 Gaydar

After going ‘daring’ for a local liquor’s calendar, there seems to be no stopping KC Concepcion on her path to recovery from her previous experience.

With the help of Rainbow Tech, KC is proud to unveil her latest product endorsement: The KC5000 Gaydar

Equipped with state-of-the-art analytic technology, the KC5000 scans a ‘target’ by calculating the squeal factor of his voice, his testosterone levels, the ratio of his strut and sway while walking and other scientific factors; all by pointing the device at your suitor, boyfriend, husband or neighbor.

The actress was apparently so impressed with the device that she mentioned in an interview that her current French suitor is the “real thing”. A “true gentleman.”

6. Senator Tito Sotto’s First Solo Debut Album: Christmas In Our Hearts

The controversial Tito Sotto decided to go back to his roots and is proud to release his first solo debut album.

Entitled Christmas In Our Hearts, the album contains 16 original Christmas compositions including the carrier single Christmas In Our Hears, as well Do You Hear What I Hear, Mary’s Boy Child, A Perfect Christmas, A Wish on Christmas Night, and other Christmas songs.

During the album launching, Sotto was asked what his inspiration was for releasing a Christmas album. “Besides fighting the RH Bill, God also put me here to sing. To sing original songs that I have written for the Filipino people. “

7. Doble Kara Charice Pempengco Costume

When the sales of the Charice Pempengco Doble Kara/Two Face Costume™ did not meet expectations last Halloween, the manufacturer has decided to sell the costume at a discount this Christmas for every Filipino to enjoy.

Confused whether you prefer the personality and looks of Charice with her surname or without? Why worry if you can try it on yourself , all at the same time?

Introducing the Doble Kara Charice Pempengco Costume. This set comes with half conservative/teeny style wardrobe and half the edgy wardrobe that Charice currently prefers. It also comes with a half of a blonde wig and a longer brunette hair for the other side. Accessories includes microphone, extra large eyepiece, and additional tattoos. Bonus half spike jacket  half princess gown replacement wardrobe.

Practice smiling with only one side of your lip while making sure to frown or not to smile on the other to get the complete “look”.

Great for Christmas parties, Noche Buenas and Media Noches.

8. The Nokia 5110 Touch Smartphone

It’s the Nokia 5110 that you all know from 1998. Touch screen. Android. ‘Nuff said.

For the full list of specifications, click here.

Remember, Christmas is not about the gifts, shopping, carollings, decors, parties, etc. It’s about love. And 13th month pay.


22 thoughts on “The 2012 Top 8 Holiday Gift Ideas For Filipinos

  1. I’ll get that pillow for my wife and the cctv camera for the house. delikado na masyado ang buhay ngayon kailangan na ng proteksyon.

    bakit nga pala yung CD ni Tito e English? diba dapat tinagalog parang yung MTV Album ni Bitoy? 😀

  2. Uh-oh, beware the Chasters (Charice fans). Hahaha. With their keyword searches and Google Alerts, they’re known for swooping in on anything and anyone who has even the slightest criticism of their beloved idol 😛

  3. I think i’ve been a good girl this yea ;), so I better tell Santa that I love gift item # 1 with a bonus of the gaydar item.. haha..

    love to have these xmas gifts..

  4. My brother recommended I might like this web site.

    He was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

  5. Great article! That is the type of information that are supposed to be shared across the internet.
    Shame on the search engines for no longer positioning this publish upper!
    Come on over and talk over with my site . Thanks =)

  6. Pingback: SWN’s Holiday Gift Guide 2013 | So, What's News?

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s