World Renowned Mathematician Almost Died When Asked to Calculate Number of Times Mall’s Security Was Doubled

‘World Mathematics World Champion of the World’ Dr. Hugh Bartlebaugh

MANILA, Philippines — A world renowned mathematician fainted during an interview and was unconscious for 3 hours  after he was asked to calculate the safety level of malls around the metro every time their security was doubled.

‘World Mathematics World Champion of the World’ Dr. Hugh Bartlebaugh of New Castle, England was interviewed by So What’s News (SWN) to ask for his expertise in determining the overall security level of malls in Metro Manila.

This, after math experts in the Philippines turned down our request due to the strenuous nature and life threatening risk of the calculations involved.

The interview was in relation to the mall robbery that happened Thursday, when armed men tried to rob roving tellers of Security Bank in Quezon City at around 10 am. The perpetrators opened fire and threw hand grenades, that left 1 dead and 6 hurt. Security guard Rodrigo Villa was the lone casualty of the brazen daylight robbery inside Robinsons Galleria Mall . Police responded to the scene within 15 minutes but the suspects have already escaped riding a motorcycle .

Roderick Reloso, another security guard, remains in critical condition at Medical City in Pasig.

Two Security Bank tellers, Vincent Mangatura and Lea del Mundo, were injured after the suspects threw a grenade at them. Three mall goers — Paul Adrian, Johanssen Dionisia and Rabe Jeremy — were also injured. (from Press Statement of Robinsons Galleria)

The management of various malls have since pledged to double their security after the incident, which led us to the interview with Dr. Bartlebaugh:

So, What’s News: Thank you Dr. Bartlebaugh for accommodating our request.

Dr. Hugh Bartlebaugh: The pleasure is all mine. I believe that we have to share our knowledge to the world.

SWN: We couldn’t agree more doctor. Shall we begin?

DHB: Please. Please do…

SWN: Its not the first time that malls were attacked by armed men, but every time that it does happen, we would hear the management of the mall say that they would double their security, am I right?

DHB: Where are you going with this?

SWN: Please bear with us doctor. To give you an idea, there was an attempted robbery of an armored van near a mall in Alabang just two months ago. Another was the robbery that happened last October on a bank in a mall in Cavite. 2 shooting incidents inside SM Malls last September also prompted them to double their security and a heist on an expensive watch store in a Makati mall last 2009.

DHB: That is indeed a lot.

SWN: We have barely scratched the surface doc. With us are all the records and database of such incidents and attempts to double the security for the past 10 years. Using this data from the Philippine National Police (PNP), can you please utilize your vast expertise in mathematics and come up with an answer as to why armed men are still able to bring weapons and explosives inside malls?

DHB: I can see now what your point is. Lets say that a mall starts at security level 1 and when they double it after an incident, its level would have moved up to level 2. Doubling it again would make it level 4, and so on and so forth.

SWN: That is correct.

The doctor started to scan and crunch the numbers using the data that we have provided. Being a ‘World Mathematics World Champion of the World’, Dr. Bartlebaugh does not rely on electronic counting devices such as calculators, even if we did offered him one. He insisted on doing all calculations in his head.

At this point, the doctor can be seen concentrating very hard, with wrinkles on his forehead multiplying by the minute. He was even heard muttering numbers and calculations saying, “square of 189 is 35721…” and “986155 doubled is 972501684025…”

A few minutes later, the doctor was already scanning the last page of the database and was last heard calculating along the range of 78196810365610, when he suddenly collapses and lost consciousness. We immediately administered first aid and called for an ambulance where he was taken to a nearby hospital.

Doctors immediately tried to revive the mathematics champion and was only successful in bringing him back after 3 hours of rigorous medical operation.

When asked to explain what Dr. Bartlebaugh went through, the attending physician revealed that he suffered from exhaustive membrane phenotype fornesylation, a rare condition suffered during arduous brain activity. When asked to explain it in layman’s terms, she said “it is similar to an electronic calculator that yields an E result when pushed to the limit.”

Dr. Bartlebaugh is still recovering and refuses to speak to us when we asked for a final answer. For now, the security level of malls still remains undetermined, except for criminals, who are always one step ahead without any math involved.


4 thoughts on “World Renowned Mathematician Almost Died When Asked to Calculate Number of Times Mall’s Security Was Doubled

  1. man, what happened to security guards? They received tremendous training from Dumbledore on how to use magic wand.

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