Bad Guys To Reschedule Their Bad Deeds.

MANILA, Philippines — Only a few days before the All-Saints’ Day weekend, a group of robbers victimizing citizens during holiday seasons, announced a change-up in their schedule of operations.

The Northside Crypts, notorious for targeting visitors of Manila North Cemetery confided with So, What’s News? on the group’s plan to forego this weekend’s planned crime spree. “Napanuod namin sa news na ang kapulisan daw ay magpapakalat ng mga tauhan upang hindi matuloy ang aming masasamang balakin. Kaya naisipan naming regular days nalang kami mambibiktima, para wala masyadong pulis at mabilis kaming makatakas. Salamat PNP! (We saw on the news the the police would be deploying it’s troops so that our evil plans would not push through. That is why we decided to victimize people on regular days from now on, so that there would be less law enforcers and thus making it easier for us to escape. Thanks PNP!)”

Be specific: WHAT do you serve? And WHO do you protect?

The group was referring to the  announcement made by the Philippine National Police on it’s heightened alert status all around the Metro, securing vital installations and making sure that police visibility is at its highest. This is to prevent such elements to wreak havoc during the holidays.

This early, the Organization for Yuletide Larceny, also expressed plans to delay their operations until next year. “Probably around February, when the public least expects us,” said a member. The group was formerly known as Hablot Hikaw Boys, a product of DEPED’s program, victimizing commuters by nabbing their earrings while their backs are turned.

When asked for comment, PNP spokesman Chief Supt. Agrimero Cruz Jr. said that the force will review it’s tactical plan following this development. “As of right now, we are incapable of being in heightened alert for a whole year. As you can see, we are employing a case per case basis on this strategy,” said Cruz. “We urge the public to be very vigilant and be on alert at all times, because we can’t respond to your needs 24/7 or even when you call for that matter. Ano kami (What are we) guardian angels?”

Indeed, “seasonal” crimes are on the rise even without the warning from the police. Just the other day, my mountain bike got stolen and was forced to ride the jeepney to work. Got updated to how much fares are nowadays in the process.  3 of my colleagues got robbed as well, losing their cellphone, laptop and camera respectively.

Stay safe and alert everybody.


One thought on “Bad Guys To Reschedule Their Bad Deeds.

  1. Pingback: SWN’s Fearless Forecast for the Year 2013 « So, What's News?

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s