CAMP AGUINALDO, Philippines — After much criticism and prodding by various individuals to wage an all-out war against the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), the President finally announced that he would be waging war this week.
Aquino, in a command conference attended by various military officers and advisers, faced the media with a stern face and announced that he had just about enough with all of it and plans to go into war anytime now, this week.
“The MILF has tested our patience with regards to upholding peace and in honoring their end of the negotiations. When push comes to shove, sometimes you have to push
up up down down left right back,” the President said.
This announcement comes after fresh violence broke out anew in Basilan and Lanao del Norte on Sunday, resulting in the loss of several lives. The group’s action broke a truce agreement they had with the government, according to a spokesman for the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP). Lt. Col. Daplisante Baladin added, “It was just reported the other day that there was a confusion regarding the agreement we had with the MILF, but their recent actions proved them wrong otherwise.”
Aquino continued his statement, saying, “These past few weeks have been very stressful for both the government and me, personally. With the upcoming All Saints Day weekend, I plan to wage war together with my nephew, Josh”
At this point, the press people all stared at each other with a confused look. Somehow they thought that there was an error on the President’s teleprompter, but after a brief pause, the President continued.
“With the upcoming release of EA’s Battlefield 3, my nephew wishes to have more time to play the video game. He said there was a new feature where we could play the campaign cooperatively. Isn’t that exciting?” said Aquino, in an enthusiastic manner. The President then added, “So, as a special favor, I have declared the 31st of October 2011, as a special non-working day throughout the country via Proclamation No. 265, s. 2011, as well as the 7th of November 2011 as a regular holiday via Proclamation No. 276, s 2011, so that we could have more time to play it on my new PS3.”
When asked if he would also declare another holiday in anticipation for the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 on November 8, the President said that it depends on whether he and Josh have finished playing Battlefield 3 yet. But he went on to say that his cabinet is already hard at work, asking other religious groups for significant dates if ever they do finished the game.