Senior Citizen Lane No Longer Exclusive To Senior Citizens

MANILA, Philippines — A joint agreement by various business associations released yesterday states that their establishments will no longer implement senior citizen lane exclusivity to seniors starting next week.

In a press statement sent to various media outlets, the agreement orders all commercial establishment to cease and desist operations of existing senior citizen lanes starting next Monday, with a dry-run starting today. It says that senior citizen lanes would no longer be exclusive to the elderly, and younger clients could use the lane from here on out.

In a follow-up interview to an entrepreneur who wishes to be unnamed, he told us that they came to the agreement because there was an oversight for the initial offering of the senior citizen lane. “At first we thought that doing that would make our business and service more efficient, streamlined and more customer friendly. But after extensive research and data gathering, we found out that the special lanes made our other clients jealous and more importantly, made other lines congested.”

“Starting from today’s dry-run, our much younger customers with the exception of clients with huge build; can fall in line at the senior citizen lane, given that the other lines are backed-up or has long lines. Rest assured that our clients, whether young or old would receive the same special services that our businesses are known for,” added our source.

The press statement also clarified that starting today,  seniors are not permitted to access the regular lanes and is restricted to their special line. After this week’s initial dry-run, elderly violators who does not comply with the above rule would be met with a 15 minute scolding seminar and a slap on the wrist. Succeeding violations would be penalized with 30 minutes of seminar and eventually being escorted out of the establishment. “It may seem harsh, but you don’t know how stubborn they could be. Please bear with us, it’s an adjustment period,” said our source.

Geriatric activist group Life Starts @60 or LSS is planning to hold various protests around the metro denouncing the latest development to which they call it a “stupid and misleadingly named lane”. Ma. Tanya Davidez, aged 63, had nothing but harsh words when she was asked for a comment. “Am I missing something here? Why call it a senior citizen lane if non-seniors could access it as well?  It’s like naming a lane motorcycle lane and then allowing cars to drive there too?!”

The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority could not be reached for comment as of the time of publishing of this article.

What did you think about this SATIRICAL article? Share your thoughts below.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s