Network Rivals Settle Differences. Devises New Methods for Relief Operations.

MANILA, Philippines — After one-upping each other on national television on cash donations received from donors for victims of typhoon Peping, ABS-CBN and GMA has finally come to an agreement.

In a joint press conference held the other night, both parties along with their representatives explained to everybody present, the groundwork on what they say would be the basis for every relief operation from here on out. “We are proud to announce the formation of Kapuso ng Kapamilya Foundation. It is a new era for humanitarian services the Filipino people have never seen before. Instead of individually accepting donations, then showing the totals to our viewers via millions this and millions that, and thus upstaging the other; we have agreed to pool our resources/donations together and to distribute them cooperatively to people in need.”

The newly formed foundation also devised a new plan in the area of relief goods distribution. This comes after people pushed one another and even fought when government trucks bearing relief goods came to their province. The throngs of people eager to grab hold of the goods shoved one another and even started shouting and bickering. Reports of palakasan system by others who were unable to receive help are still being investigated.

“That is why our plan is foolproof” boasts Bernamel Sembiangco, the newly appointed Head of Operations for the foundation. “We won’t be needing tickets or coupons for people to be eligible to receive help. What we do is tell people to form two lines: Kapamilya on the left and Kapuso on the right. This way, people would be more organized and be able to do away with pushing and shoving.”

Ms. Sembiangco added, “we would be employing our talents from both sides to aid us during our operations. We plan on doing crossover pairing of artists to generate public interest and to entertain people during these depressing times. Our initial offering would be two top artists from both camp, represented by Ms. Vina Morales and Mr. Ding Dong Dantes “

Photo taken on the balcony after the announcement was made.

As soon as it was announced, a group of protesters could be heard shouting outside the venue of the press conference. Upon looking out the window, it was found out that the 4Ever Marian & Dingdong Fans Club was denouncing the recently made announcement. According to a fan, they were tipped off by none other Ms. Marian Rivera herself  and was told to protest the proposed team-up.

When asked why Marian was not among the protesters, we were told that she was on her way to the ABS-CBN Studios to confront Ms. Vina Morales and to lock her up on her dressing room to teach her a lesson. Apparently, this was not the first time that this has happened.

After the commotion, both network representatives announced that they will put the plan on hold for the meantime and instead employ Kokey and Iglot for the entertainment purposes of the operation.

11 thoughts on “Network Rivals Settle Differences. Devises New Methods for Relief Operations.

  1. huh? may ganun talaga? palengkera talaga itong si marian rivera kung totoo ngang siya ang nag sabi sa mga fans para magprotesta sa vina-ding tandem… hay naku marian… di ka na talaga natuto… pangit talaga ng ugali mo… palaos ka na… wag kang umasta na kung sino ka…

  2. Pingback: No Other Man Announced by GMA Films For MMFF 2011 « So, What's News?

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