BULACAN, Philippines — After being urged by House Speaker Sonny Belmonte to visit victims of recent calamities to boost people’s morale, President Aquino came to Bulacan with an all-star cast of morale boosters that have never been assembled before.
The President arrived at Bulacan before noon via a dragon boat which was being paddled by the recent gold medalists Philippine Dragon Boat Federation team. At the back of the boat was Miss Universe 3rd runner-up Shamcey Supsup who was waving to the throngs of people anticipating their arrival. Pound for Pound King Manny Pacquiao, who allotted time away from his training in Baguio to join the president was also on the boat. Also accompanying the group was none other than Lolong, the giant crocodile that was recently captured in Agusan del Sur.
Plans to include the Philippine Azkals at the morale boosting event did not push through as the football team has not yet returned from their recent 2nd place finish at the 2011 Long Teng Cup held in Kaosiung, Taiwan.
When the President and his entourage reached shore, they were met with thousands of people who became homeless when typhoon Pedring struck their province. The group proceeded to the basketball gym that was used as the evacuation center, to distribute relief goods such as rice, canned goods and used clothing. Manny Pacquiao even sang his rendition of the song Sometimes When We Touch to the delight of the crowd.
Shamcey Supsup was prodded to perform her famous “tsunami” walk but was stopped midway because people began crying. Upon further investigation, majority of the people cried because the sheer mention of the word tsunami made them remember the harrowing ordeal they had with the rains & flood brought about by the typhoon.
To calm the crowd, Ms. Supsup removed the nightgown she was wearing to reveal her famous bathing suit that won her 3rd place in the swimsuit category at the Miss Universe Pageant. Plenty of jaws were heard hitting the floor after that. Rumors that the President was one of them could not be verified at the time of this writing.
It was evident that the people’s morale was boosted by the surprising visit and Malacañang couldn’t be happier and calling it a job well done.
But in a shocking twist of fate, people started panicking and running for their lives when it was discovered that Lolong, the giant crocodile from Agusan was suddenly missing. Jacob Uwaya, the reptile’s handler apparently got distracted and lost track of the creature when Ms. Supsup was in her bikini outfit earlier. “Inaamin ko po, isa ako sa mga nabighani sa kagandahan ng suot nya. Sino bang hindi?!” (I admit I was one of the people whose jaws dropped. Who wouldn’t?!)” said the handler.
Everybody eventually calmed down when Manny Pacquiao spotted the loose crocodile and with a single punch to it’s jaw, knocked out the reptile. The crowd was ecstatic and even counted to ten after Lolong hit the ground and everybody cheered at the sheer might and bravery of the People’s Champ.
President Aquino was heard saying “If all that has transpired did not boost morale, we don’t know what else will.”